Despair
by Damia - Queen of the Gypsi's
Summary: This story was written after book 3 came out. None of the other books happened in this AU. Hermione has a horrible home life, Draco isn't as bad as people seem to think, and the story is very dark.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hope Has Decayed

Why, Why, why

why is there so much pain

tell me please

why this goes on today

can't they see

what's happening

and the hope has all

Decayed

--Sporadic

XXX

The girl looked down at the glistening piece of metal in her hand. It made her feel clean again. She dragged it across the top of her thighs again and again and again. She stopped for a moment to look at the cross hatch pattern on her upper thighs, upper arms and stomach. Scars and scabs and bloody lines all weaving together.

She who was regarded jealously by the other females in hogwarts school of Witchcraft and wizardry. What a laugh. Perfect Prefect? She let out a sharp bark of cold, cruel, laughter. As if. She started up again. Her Guardian, Troy Metcalf, wasn't exactly the nicest man in the world.

You see, this little girls parents had died at the end of her fifth year. About a year and a half ago. That was when she had met Troy. Her closest kin. A seventh cousin or some such. She would have been much better off with either of her two best friends' families. Her two best friends. The controlled blank look on her face wavered for a moment as she thought about the two.

Ronald Weasley. Tall, red hair, Quidditch captain, muscular, keeper, hot. The second youngest child in a family of seven, and the youngest boy at that. Of course, there was only one girl in the family and Hermione was close to family. She couldn't do that to them though. She didn't want to impose when they had little enough money for themselves. Even if she was rather well off in her own right. Of course it was only Ron and his younger sister, Ginny at home anyway, which left lot's of empty rooms, but that's alright.

Harry Potter. The boy who lived. Gryffindor Seeker, wanted by multiple national quidditch teams. Loved By many. Tall, Black hair, emerald green eyes, sexy scar, wiry. He was an only child who had lost his parents so long ago that he barely remembered them at all. He now lived with his Guardian, Sirius Black. Sirius had once been in Azkaban, but he escaped and managed to prove himself innocent at the end of their fifth year, right after her parents had died. The girls eyes moved up to the mirror.

She was beautiful and she hated it. Her hair was now sleek and straight thanks to a curse thrown at her by her arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy, during her fifth year, right before Christmas. It flowed in a smooth wave to her thighs. She wasn't allowed to cut it. She glared at her reflection in the mirror. large, wide, chocolate colored eyes that were one of her best features even if they held a dead look inside; A pert little nose, straight until it turned up just a little at the tip; Pink lips that seemed to beg for kisses; a long slender neck atop a willowy body and ample breasts. How she hated it. She wished she had acne and was fat and had her old bushy hair back and the buck teeth. How could she have ever have gotten rid of those wonderful teeth?

All she was good for now was a play toy. If Dumbledore realized what was going on he wouldn't have named her head girl this year. It wasn't fair. She wasn't a role model anyone would want. Not that she was going to tell him.

She was to catch her beloved train tomorrow for school. Her last year. She had been blocking out everything for a while now. Since her parents death. Since she was forced to live with Troy. He had started out just touching her. Running his hands up her sides, touching her here and there as she passed, 'accidentally' groping her. She had shrugged it off. Then he had started to openly grope her. She had fought. She now knew that she had been trying to stop the inevitable.

Of course that wasn't really true, but she didn't dare admit that to herself. Somewhere in her subconscious she knew that she could have turned him into the muggle world or the wizard world and been safe, but she didn't have the will because she blamed her self for her parents death.

So now she was raped nightly, hit, slapped, yelled at, and used for whatever Troy wanted. She was also told to come 'home' for all holidays. No matter what was going on. She was Troy's plaything. He used her and lent her to his friends. They encouraged her in the self mutilation, finding it amusing for some reason. She stood after adding a few more slices along her skin and walked to the bathroom in her black underwear and matching bra. She took a cloth and wiped off the blood. Troy didn't like her all bloody If she was that would only mean that she would be hit. She walked back to her room and pulled on a pair of stretchy black yoga pants and a long sleeved black baseball tee. She walked downstairs as she heard a car door slam shut and waited at the foot of the stairs. She stood silent as Troy and one of his friends came in.

"Well Hermione, I decided that since this is your last night here, I'd make it special," He grinned as he held up a bag of take out chinese. She carefully avoided the gaze of Creg, Troy's friend.

"How are you deary?" Creg asked. She hated Creg with a passion. He enjoyed pain with sex. He acted so nice and decent out of the bedroom, but as soon as they were there he lashed out.

"Dinner first for me, you go with Creg," Troy told her with a wave of his hand. Creg took a hold of her arm and dug his fingers in as he led her upstairs. There was a 'guest' room that was only used by her and Troy's friends. They walked in and he threw her onto the bed. He leaped down and pinned her, ripping her shirt down the front and grinning at her sheer black bra. She knew not to fight or cry out during this part. He walked over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. He pulled out a rope and a knife. He tied her hands to the head board and sliced the front of her bra so that her breasts were exposed. She had bite scars on them from this particular dog. He left a faint scratch on her skin where he had cut the bra. She didn't move at all. She hadn't hurt at all. He started to rip the pants.

"Troy is getting tired of having to buy me pants all the time," She told him. He growled and stopped what he was doing. He brutally pulled her pants down and slit either side of her panties. She shivered, partially in fear and partially from the shock of suddenly being naked. He pinched all of her soft spots and she winced in slight pain. He pulled off his belt and flipped her over onto her stomach, twisting her arms uncomfortably. He slapped the belt over her back multiple times. At least Troy had banned the whip that he used to use. That one had left scars, this would only leave welts. After He was done, about fifteen minutes later, he flipped her over again, and pulled off his pants. He mounted her quickly, leaving pain behind. Twenty minutes later he got off her growling. He hadn't cum once. He tore off part of her shirt and used it to gag her before picking up his belt and started to slap her on the newly formed cuts. She screamed in pain, the scabs breaking apart and him rubbing them open even more every now and then. He mounted her again and ten minutes later was done. He stood up and dressed before undoing her hands to leave her to herself.

She hadn't spilled one tear. That was something she wouldn't do in front of those animals. Being violated so often she had grown cold to them and refused them the satisfaction of seeing or hearing her cry. She would cry out in pain, but that was half in self defense. They hurt her more when she refused to cry out in pain. It was the way the sick fucks worked. She stood and walked across the hall to the bathroom and stepped into the shower. She turned the water to scalding and watched as her skin turned pink from the heat. She let the tears fall then. Where no one could see them and they wouldn't leave a tell-tale mark.

XXX

Damia - "I know, dark,"

Wren - "Hopefully it touched you,"

Solatina - "This fic will have Rape, Abuse, Suicide attempts, Self mutilation, Hate, and love,"

Damia - "I don't own anything that you recognize,"

Wren - "Please Review,"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**XXX**

When I'm Gone

There's another world inside of me  
That you may never see  
There's secrets in this life  
That I can't hide  
Somewhere in this darkness  
There's a light that I can't find  
Maybe it's too far away...  
Maybe I'm just blind...

--3 doors down

**XXX**

Hermione pushed her trunk through the barrier at platform 9 ¾. She was aching everywhere, and had only slept for about three hours. She quietly walked over to the train and struggled to shove her trunk into the heads' compartment. She shoved the trunk up on the shelf and thought about her last year. Sixth year had started with her trying to pretend that everything was normal. It hadn't worked. About a month after school had started she had begun to clam up in herself. The boys hadn't noticed and seemed to be oblivious to all the rumors. By the end of the year she had been quietly going around and doing things for the professors and herself.

Reading was her favorite pass time. She rarely went off with anyone else. Though if you had asked the guys they wouldn't have noticed. She was still their best friend. the rest of the school had decided that she was on some Goddess pedestal now. Mysterious and quiet. It seemed that if she smiled at someone they would fallow her and do her every wish. What a strange thing. She remembered back to a time when she had smiled and laughed constantly. She hadn't laughed once since she had gone to live with Troy, the bastard. She sat down and pulled out a book she had read multiple times already. It was called Blood and Chocolate. It was about a teenage werewolf who fell in love with a normal human, or at least was pretty sure she had. It tells that werewolves were a race unto their own and traveled in packs made of the family. The door opened and she ignored whoever came in.

"Well look at that. If it isn't the Mudblood queen herself," She heard someone sneer.

"Good day to you as well Malfoy," She answered calmly, not looking up. He looked her over as she sat there reading. He had noticed the change in her last year. The only two that hadn't had been Harry and Ron. His two faithful hounds, Crabbe and Goyle had even noticed. He had left them in another compartment. He had needed some time to himself. He sat down. He had seen her smile once last year, and it had been a small smile at that. She no longer responded to his insults with anger. It almost wasn't worth calling her mudblood anymore. He sat across from her and relaxed, looking at the ceiling. Twenty minutes later Ron and Harry came into the compartment.

"Oy, Mione," Ron called. Hermione looked at the two over her book.

"Hello Harry, Ron," She told them with a nod.

"How was your Summer?" Harry asked, settling down to one side of her. Ron sat on the other side, shooting dark glances at the blonde boy.

"My summer?" She asked. A dark look came into her eyes. One of anger, fear, and pain. The look left after a second or so, no one noticed.

"Yeah your summer. You only wrote like eight times," Ron said.

"You only wrote three, and Harry only wrote four," She answered with a shrug.

"Sorry 'bout that, Harry and I went to this Island chain in central America. The Caribbean," Ron told her with a smile.

"Oh yes, I remember, you invited me," Hermione said with a small nod.

"Why couldn't you go? You wouldn't give us a reason," Harry asked. She allowed a small smirk to come to her face.

"You wouldn't like me in a bathing suit," She told them. They immediately started to disagree with her and tell her that she would look great in a bathing suit.

"Not fat at all," Ron told her. She turned to look at him. Harry making a slitting motion across his neck.

"Who said anything about my being fat?" She asked him. His ears started to go red.

"Not me, I just . . . I, uh," He stuttered.

"Ronald Weasley! Are you telling me I'm fat?" She demanded with a slight frown. She didn't even need to raise her voice, the intensity was enough to make a giant quail in fear.

"No," He said immediately.

"You know what Hermione, we need to go find Seamus and the rest of the team and, uh, talk about quidditch stuff," Harry smile, grabbed Ron's elbow, and took off out the door. Draco was laughing as the ran for there lives.

"Do you find something amusing Malfoy?" Hermione asked calmly, returning to her book.

"Weasel gets dumber as he gets older," He told her. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"His name is Ron Weasley, not Weasel, and don't miscalculate him. He thinks of me as one of the guys and treats me as such. That doesn't make him dumb. That just means I have to remind him that I am female and he needs to be on his toes," She told him, looking at her book again.

"I still say it's stupidity," Draco muttered.

"Do me a favor don't talk to me unless you want me to hex you into oblivion," She told him. She continued to read. He took this time to look at her. She wasn't in her robes yet. She was wearing black chino's, black belt, black gloves, and a black turtleneck. She didn't look back. Twenty minutes later. She put down her book.

"Draco, do you mind stepping out for a few moments so that I can change into my uniform?" She asked him. He raised an eyebrow.

"If I say yes?" He challenged.

"Then I hex you and force you to leave," She told him simply.

"Couldn't you find a girls compartment and change," He asked.

"Couldn't you go find a boys compartment?" She asked him in the same bored tone.

"I like this one," He told her.

"As do I. We can take turns changing," She told him.

"Or we could change together," He told her, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. She turned and glared at him.

"If you ever say anything like that to me again, I will personally make it so that you will take your own life to get away from the horrors that befall you," She told him in a deadly quiet voice that chilled him to his toes. He put up a mocking front.

"Think you can hack something like that Granger?" He asked with a sneer.

"Do you want to find out?" She asked.

"Granger what the hell is wrong with you? You're acting like I actually wanted a mudblood like you. A fat one at that," He told her with a sneer.

"Get out of the compartment and let me change Malfoy," She ordered him coldly. He stood up and walked out of the room before he truly realized that she had gotten to him. He turned and glared at the door.

Hermione pulled out one of her uniforms and looked at it. The robe was black. She had been wearing so much black lately. So she could mourn her mother, mourn her innocence, mourn everyone that suffered. So that the blood stains wouldn't be so obvious . . .

She pulled off her pants and shirt and pulled on her skirt and jumper. After that she pulled on her robe and fixed her tie. She pulled out a hair tie and pulled her hair into a ponytail and said a quick covering spell to cover a couple small scars on her neck and hands. She shoved her other clothes into her trunk and opened the door.

"Your turn," She told him with a nod.

"Took you long enough mudblood," He told her, walking into the compartment. She shrugged and left to go see with the conductor when they would be arriving. She walked into the front and nodded to the conductor. There were a couple of second year students there as well chatting with him.

"Hello Francis," Hermione said with a nod to the man driving.

"Hello there Hermione," He told her with a smile.

"How long do you figure it to be now?" She asked him.

"Oh not long, fifteen minutes or so," He told her with a grin.

"Thank you Francis," She told him.

"Hermione?" He called.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Don't let any of them bother you. You've a good head on your shoulders and a strength to match the founders," He told her gruffly. Her face softened and the smallest smile possible graced her features for a split second.

"Thank you Francis," She turned and left to go tell the prefects.

"You know Hermione?" One of the five kids.

"Course I do," He told them with a nod.

"She smiled at you," One of the boys said in reverence.

"I remember when She walked around with a smile to put the sun to shame, everyday," He told them rather sadly.

"She's beautiful," One of the girls said in awe.

"That she is, but she's prettier with a smile," Francis told them.

"Why'd she stop smiling?" another boy asked.

"She stopped after her parents died and it just got worse," He told them.

"She's so mysterious and sad looking," the second girl of the group commented.

"That she is my girl, that she is," Francis agreed. The last kid looked thoughtful, but didn't say anything.

**XXX**

Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table in the seat that had been left for her between Seamus Finnagin and Neville Longbottoms. Across from Harry and Ron. She generally ate in the middle of the Gryffindor Quidditch team if at all possible. They helped scare off most of the other boys in the school so that she could eat in peace. She didn't have any girlfriends outside the quidditch team. Ginny Weasley was a chaser; Karen Belladonna, despite her last name, was a sweet fifth year beater; and Jan Vole, a loud mouthed tomboy who didn't take crap from anyone and tended to make fools out of those that annoyed her, she was the other beater.

Karen was run of the mill pretty. Pale skin, freckles marching across her nose, thin-ish lips, straight nose, wide blue eyes and an average body toned by Quidditch. Jan was extremely pretty with long auburn hair that curled wildly, luscious pink lips, high cheekbones in a heart shaped face, large silvery gray eyes, long black lashes, and an athletic figure. Hermione turned as a boy cleared his throat from behind her. She looked at him expectantly.

"Hey Hermione," He said with a nervous smile. He was a seventh year from Hufflepuff, she didn't remember his name.

"Hello," She answered with a nod.

"Nice night, huh?" He asked.

"If you're going to ask her a bloody question, do it already. If not leave off with damn small talk, the sorting is gonna start," Jan told the boy from her position of across from Neville, next to Ron.

"I, uh, I was wondering if you would go to Hogsmeade with me for the first trip," He asked quickly.

"No," She told him. He looked crestfallen and walked away.

"Bloody wanker made me forget what I was gonna say," Jan grumbled. Everyone looked up as the first years were brought in. McGonagall brought in the Sorting Hat and set it on the stool. It opened it's brim and started to sing, but Hermione tuned it out and started to think about when she had been the one to be sorted. The hat had told her she had a wonderful mind and a lot of spunk right before yelling out gryffindor.

"Andrews, Sarah," McGonagall announced. Hermione snapped out of her reverie and looked up at them all. A timid looking brunette walked up to the stool and out on the hat.

"RAVENCLAW," It yelled out.

"Bulstrode, Bernice," McGonagall called. A young girl that looked quite pretty walked up to the stool.

"SLYTHERIN," The stool cried before it had completely gone on her head. That reminded Hermione of Milicent Bulstrode and the time she had poly-morphed into Milicents' cat. That in turn reminded her of Crookshanks, whom Troy had ordered put down after the cat attacked him. She missed that surly feline. She started to think back on all the fun times she had had when the cat was still around. She was again snapped into reality, this time by Dumbledore.

"Now the school song," He said jovially, "Choose a tune and start,"Everyone started together. It seemed that the Gryffindor Quidditch team had planned ahead and chosen one that they could sing to, drowning out those around them. It was the Darth Vadar theme from Star Wars.

"Well that was lovely," He said with a smile, "A few start of term announcements. Our new Head boy and Head Girl are Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger," He gestured for them to stand up. Hermione stood nodded once and sat back down.

"Without further ado, firmios giglant kippiler," And with that he waved his hands and food was spread out over the tables. Hermione filled her plate, swallowed ten bites or so, and shoved her plate away from her.

"Aren't you gonna eat Mione?" Ron asked, taking a bite from a drumstick.

"I'm not hungry," She answered.

"Your loss," Seamus told her, pouring himself more pumpkin juice.

"Anyone without a stomach of steel would get sick after watching you eat Ron," His sister told him.

"What do you mean?" He asked, food in his mouth.

"Ron, were you hit in the head with a bludger when you were younger?" Jan asked.

"Wouldn't be surprising," Harry joined with a laugh.

"You eat like an pig," Hermione told him. He looked crushed, "Well, a cute pig," She gave him the tiniest of smiles. Anyone around who noticed, burned the smile into their retina so that they would remember it. Dinner ended a little bit later and the prefects were told to lead the first years to their dormitories. Hermione had been told to meet the headmaster. Of course that would make sense because she and Draco needed to know where the head house was. She walked up to Dumbledore and nodded once. The twinkle in his eyes faltered for a moment as he watched her grave countenance.

"Hello Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy," Draco had come up to them as Hermione nodded.

"Well, let's see what you have for us," Hermione said in a bored tone.

"This way," He told them with a smile. They followed him up to the third floor and straight to a painting of a beautiful lady dressed in the clothes of the ancient greeks. She was smiling and stroking her hands over the membrane of a rather menacing lookin dragon whose arm was as long as her entire body.

"What's your name?" Hermione asked the picture.

"I'm Desmere, the Dragon tamer, and the Dragon is rabbit," The brunette told her with a small smile.

"I read about you somewhere," Hermione said with a nod.

"Password?" Desmere asked.

"Skittles," Dumbledore answered immediately. The large painting swung away from the wall. The three some walked into a large spacious chamber made up in natural colors with crimson, green, silver, and gold accents. The floors were all wooden and polished, there was a large tan rug placed in front of the fire place with a tan love seat and two tan armchairs. Pillows in the four colors mentioned above were scattered over the floor and couches.

"It's lovely Professor," Hermione told him. He smiled at her and nodded.

"It's not bad," Draco conceded. Dumbledore pointed to two doors on either side of the rooms. One had a gold lion and the other had a silver snake. Hermione and Draco walked over to their bedrooms and wandered in. Hermione's room had a king sized bed with curtains of Crimson velvet. The floors were wood and there was a large crimson carpet under her bed that took up half the floor space. There was a tall stand up mirror in one corner and a beautifully carved desk in another. The last corner had shelves that were lined with her school supplies. She turned to Dumbledore with a small smile.

"It's beautiful," She told him. He gave her a large smile and she walked over to open the only door in her room. It opened into the most beautiful bathroom Hermione had ever seen. There was a small path of stones leading to what looked like a natural pond. Between the stone paths there was lush, tropical plant life. Trees, flowers, shrubs. She walked over the path and looked closer at the pool it looked to be about six feet deep, but had little seats around the edge. She noted quite a few flowers lining the edge that were fake. If you pushed down on their leaves, bubbles would more than likely come out. There was two more stone paths off to the side. She looked questioningly at Dumbledore.

"One leads to Mr. Malfoy's room, the other to a shower. I must leave you now, things to do," He told her. With a swish of his robes he was off. She followed one of the paths and saw a door that was opened by Draco. Her quick glance at his room showed that it looked exactly like her own, but colored green instead of crimson.

"Damn," She heard him mutter from behind her.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" She asked, turning down the other path and following it to what looked like a waterfall. She took a calming breath and turned to go back to her room, only to smack into Draco.

"What's the matter Granger? Can't keep your hands off?" Draco mocked. She had started to fall and had grabbed a hold of his robes to keep her upright. She let go of him quickly, a look of fear filling her eyes. She took a step back.

"S-Sorry," She stuttered lightly. Draco frowned at her. She backed up another step.

"Afraid of me now? What happened to the old Granger? The one that wouldn't let Voldemort himself cross his eyes at her?" He asked. Her bottom lip trembled slightly and she bit it to keep from moving. She was looking at Draco, but flashes of Troy and his friends kept popping into her head.

"I'm supposed to be safe at Hogwarts," She muttered quietly. So quietly that he _almost_ missed it. Almost.

**XXX**

Damia - "Seemed a good place to end it for now,"

Wren - "Not for good. We can't leave Hermione with all of those problems,"

Solatina - "I'm all for killing everyone and letting evil toe raping monkeys inhabit the world,"

Damia - "Uh . . . right,"

Wren - "We like to ask the first reviewer of the story to do something special for us. This time we want you to choose between a few names. Hermione's going to get a pet kitten at Christmas. A blue Russian to be exact,"

Damia - "They are so beautiful, a silvery-blue/silvery-gray color with blue eyes. Although I wouldn't pay four thousand dollars for a cat personally,"

Solatina - "The names you can choose from are these: Artemis, Moonbeam, Pixie, or Brooke,"

Damia - "Thank you those that reviewed,"

Wren - "Disclaimer?"

Damia - "Oh yeah, Everything you recognize belongs to the brilliant imagination of J.K. Rowlings,"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**I Dreamed a dream **

There are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms

We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed

The dream I dreamed.

-- Les Miserable

XXX

"I'm supposed to be safe at Hogwarts," Hermione muttered quietly. So quietly that he _almost_ missed it. Almost.

"Granger?" He asked cautiously, stepping forward. She was still stuck in place, not seeing anything but Troy and his friends, laughing, touching. Her eyes glazed over and she stared through him. He called her name again. She didn't move. He grabbed her arms and shook her. That snapped her out of the trance. Her entire face was converted into one of terror for a split second before her eyes went dead and she was standing motionless, not moving in any way.

"Bloody hell. I'm not going to hurt you Hermione," He told her fiercely. She let him shake her and didn't make a noise. "Damn you, say something, are you even alive?" He demanded.

"Promise?" She asked softly.

"Promise what?" He asked.

"Not to hurt me?" She asked, still barely even a whisper.

"Yes," He told her. He let go of her and she fixed her robes and moved around him. He followed her to her door and watched as she opened it before turning.

"Draco?" She asked. He looked over at her.

"What?" He asked with a sneer. She cocked her head to the side.

"You're the only one that hasn't changed on me. You treat me the same as you have since fifth year. Stay the same," With that she walked back into her room. He watched her go in thought. He respected Hermione, though he rarely, if ever, admitted it to even himself.

She stood up for herself, or at least she used to. She wasn't afraid of anyone or anything . . . or at least that's what he had thought. He frowned to himself as he walked into his own room and flopped onto his bed. He thought idly of the first time he had realized that he enjoyed the verbal spars that he had with Granger. It was a rather amusing thing and he missed them. He fell asleep a few hours later.

XX

Hermione glanced from her seat between Jan and Ron over at Harry, who was across from her. He was playing with his french toast and making it talk. Someone came up and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and looked at the boy. She had no idea who it was.

"Hi, I'm Frank, a Hufflepuff sixth year," He started.

"No," She told him, turning back to her food.

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask," The boy said indignantly.

"You were going to ask me to Hogsmeade," She told him.

"How'd you know that?" He asked in surprise.

"It's the same thing nine other guys have asked since breakfast started. When was that? Let me see . . . all of twenty minutes ago," Jan told him scathingly.

"Well excuse me," The boy stalked off in an annoyed manner.

"I really wish they would leave me alone," Hermione groaned softly. She put her arm on the table and rested her chin on her palm.

"You need a boyfriend," Ron said knowingly.

"No I don't," Hermione said quickly.

"Hermione, you need to move on. I know that Krum hurt you pack in fifth year when you found out he was cheating on you," Ron started.

"This has nothing to do with Krum," Hermione said flatly.

"I think it does," Harry agreed with Ron.

"Well you're as lame-brained as he is," Hermione growled.

"Get over him and move on," Ron said with a shrug.

"I've been over him since a month after I found out," She told the two with a glare.

"Then why haven't you dated 'Mione?" Ron asked.

"Just because," She told him with a shrug.

"Oh yeah, that's a great reason," Ginny said sarcastically.

"Are you all against me now?" Hermione asked in a half hurt half angry tone.

"Hey, I'm not taking sides," Jan said, raising her hands.

"I'm with Jan," Karen agreed.

"We're not against you 'Mione, we're for you. You just don't see it," Ron told her.

"You know what Ron," Hermione yelled angrily, "You need to learn when to just stop. I don't want to talk about it and you have no right to question me when you have no idea what's really wrong," She stood up.

"We're your best friends, that gives us more right than anyone else around here," Ron yelled. She turned around. The hall had gone silent, waiting for her reply.

"Some friends, you don't even notice when something's wrong. Sometimes I wonder about you two. you don't know what's wrong, and you've never tried to find out. What does that say?" She turned and walked out of the hall to her first class of the day; Advanced Transfiguration with the Ravenclaw's.

Hermione walked into McGonagalls room and sat front row center. She pulled out parchment and a quill. She then waited for everyone else to come in. People slowly started to trickle into the room, she ignored them all. She knew without looking that they watched her as they found their seats. She silently berated herself for raising her voice. Everyone knew that Ron had an explosive temper and everyone also knew that he was dating some Slytherin 5th year who didn't like her boyfriend upset. Hermione could deal with the little trollop, but she wasn't so sure she would be able to handle Ron and Harry. A body sat down next to her. She lifted cold eyes to the person.

"Hello Hermione," The tall leggy brunette told her with a smile.

"Stephanie," Hermione said with a nod. How anyone could manage to be so cheery everyday was beyond her. Stephanie Stormwing was a seventh year Ravenclaw with deep brownish purple eyes and the deepest brown hair you had ever seen that curled in loose ringlets to her waist. The girl was a seer. A good one at that. The most amusing thing about it was that she had taken Hermione's example in their third year and quit Divinations. Trelawney was just an attention whore, or at least that's what Stephanie had called her.

(Damia - "You guessed it, I'm using you as a character again Stevie, forgive me for using your full name, I think it's pretty though. Don't worry, I'll make you a quidditch beater to make up for it,")

"Well, I don't know about you, but it feels like I've come home now that I'm back at hogwarts," Stephanie told her with a smile. Hermione looked over at the other girl. As dazed and confused as the girl tended to appear, she was truly intelligent and observant. Of course, she would have to be in order to get into Ravenclaw.

"Did the hat want to place you in Hufflepuff at the sorting?" Hermione asked with a tiny glint of curiosity in her eyes.

"Most people think that," Stephanie said with a laugh.

"So that is a negative?" Hermione asked.

"It was a debate between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw," Stephanie told her quietly, "But don't tell anyone, I gain to much amusement seeing the stupefied expressions on those that attempt to use that query as an insult to my larger intelligence," Hermione raised a brow at the girl.

She and Stephanie had been placed next to each other in their sixth year in every class that their houses had together. It had helped that they had started an immensely hard potion together to challenge themselves. They had had to get four different professors to help them out on it. McGonagall and Flitwick had been happy to accept, Snape had been the hardest to agree. They had to get Dumbledore to agree and convince Snape that they wouldn't abuse the privilege.

Truthfully Snape hadn't really worried about Hermione, she was responsible, it was Stephanie. She was a wild card, no one knew just what to expect from her, including Professor Flitwick, head of Ravenclaw house and the Charms teacher, had any idea what she would do from one moment to the next. She was a rarity in a house full of cool calm intelligent minds.

"I'm not so surprised," Hermione said with a slight lightening of her features. Harry and Ron came in, both passing by her coldly. Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened them three minutes later when Professor McGonagall came into the room.

"Hello class, I hope that you all are ready for your last year as students," She told them. She stood in front of the class in her usual emerald green robes. Her eyes glancing over all of them. "For your first lesson, we will review, I want you all to transfigure your desks into a galopogas turtle," Hermione had it done immediately. She turned it back to a desk when McGonagall nodded and Stephanie repeated the process. Hermione sat and looked over her old notes as Stephanie teased the members that had wooden turtles and tables with shells.

"That is enough," McGonagall called a few minutes later. She was shaking her head in an annoyed way. "Miss Granger, Miss Stormwing, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Goodman are the only four to transfigure the desk properly in their first tries. You all should have been able to do so," She glared at everyone. "Open your transfiguration books to page one. I want you to read the first five chapters and give me a two foot scroll on what the fundamentals of transfiguring in-animates into animates are and the dangers in doing so," She walked behind her desk and sat down. The class got to work. Hermione and Stephanie were done without having to open their books.

"Professor, do you think that if windmills had eyes that they would get dizzy?" Stephanie asked out of the blue.

(Solatina - "The frightening thing is that she actually does things like that,")

Professor McGonagall looked at the girl and shook her head with a sigh.

"No, they would see things moving around all the time and grow used to it," She told the girl.

"Oh, ok," Stephanie turned and started to fidget.

"Stop moving," Hermione ordered. Stephanie stopped . . . for all of twenty seconds.

"Professor McGonagall?" She asked, raising her hand.

"Yes?" McGonagall asked.

"When was the last time you were on a date? You seem rather tense," She asked.

"Miss Stormwing, if you are that bored you may go to the library," McGonagall snapped. Stephanie smiled and bounced out of her seat. She picked up her things and walked to the door. Once there she turned dramatically to the room.

"My adoring public," She told them with expansive arm gestures, "My deepest apologies for depriving you of my company, but I must bid you farewell. Keep me in your hearts," She held a hand over her heart and smiled through fake tears, "I'll be back," She turned and laughed. Ten seconds later she popped her head back in , "That is both a threat _and_ a promise," She said with a grin. McGonagall gave a weary sigh and shook her head.

"I _still_ can't believe that one got into Ravenclaw," Hermione heard McGonagall mutter to herself. The class ended quickly enough after Hermione started to tune everything around her, out.

"Hermione?" Came a voice from behind her. She turned. Neville Longbottoms.

"Yes?" She asked.

"You really will have to open and talk to someone. Things have a habit of growing so large you can't handle them when you try and deal with them yourself. I know you don't want to tell me, but you can trust someone else," He told her. He moved off to walk with Harry and Ron. She sighed quietly and walked to the library. She purposefully ignored Stephanie and the group of first and second years that she was talking to. She already knew what was going on. She was telling them about 'the great mystery that is Hermione Granger', like she had started doing the year before.

"Hermione Granger," Colin Creevy smiled at her and lifted his camera.

"Please don't," she told him. He dropped the camera so that it fell to his chest due to the strap, and nodded.

"We miss your smiles," He told her. A sad look crossed into her features and she nodded.

"So do I," She answered. Suddenly the library didn't seem like the best of hiding places. She no longer visited Hagrid's hut because he asked awkward questions that she wasn't up to answering. She could talk to Sirius, the new Astronomy teacher, (Professor Sinnistra had retired in Hermione's fifth year, the same time that Sirius had been proven innocent,) or she could talk to Remus, the everlasting DADA teacher. Unfortunately both of them had requirements to take Harry's part before anyone else's. She couldn't really talk to anyone else, they just didn't get it like those two. She sighed and left for the heads' common room. She walked into the room with a sigh and curled up in a wing chair to study until she had to go to her next class.

XXX

Damia - "I'm sorry it took so long to update. I've had a bit of writers block. Hopefully it's over with now, but since I'm not sure, then I think you should give me advice,"

Wren - "It would be greatly appreciated,"

Solatina - "UH, _constructive _advice. don't say something off beat and fucked up,"

Wren - "Language!"

Solatina - "shove it out your ass,"

Damia - "NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!"

Solatina - "What's wrong with her?"

Wren - "I dunno, I think she's losing it,"

Solatina - "Great, she's finally gone bonkers, fan-bloody-tastic,"

Wren - "Solatina, do you have any manners at all?"

Solatina - "Sometimes Why?"

Wren - "Stop with the language,"

Solatina - "Only when I cease to exist,"

Damia - "Can I just go to sleep,"

Solatina - "Abso-fucking-lutely,"

Damia - Groan


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Tourniquet**

I tried to kill the pain  
but only brought more  
I lay dying  
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?

-- Evanescence

XXX

"Where do you think you are going young lady?" Stephanie asked as Hermione left the great hall after dinner.

"Where do you think?" Hermione asked in a tired tone. She had been snubbed all day from Harry and Ron, as well as their limitless fans. Draco had been annoyingly silent the entire time, raising her stress levels and making her think he was up to something.

"Sorry dear heart, not just yet," Stephanie told her, looping an arm through Hermione's and walking toward the dungeons.

"The potion?" Hermione asked with a sigh.

"That would be correct," Stephanie told her with a grin.

"Fine," Hermione sighed.

"Just think, it will be ready in a month," Stephanie said with a squeal of happiness.

"If we weren't so far along already, I'd probably give up at this point," Hermione told her with another sigh.

"Stop sighing you're making it sound like you're being forced into this, which you aren't," Stephanie told her.

"True, the idea was mine," Hermione admitted.

"And a damn good one as well," Stephanie told her with a grin. They entered a room a few doors away from the potions classroom and smiled at A cat, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Snape . . . well Stephanie did. Hermione nodded instead.

"Well my dears, not very much longer now, is it?" Flitwick asked. Hermione shrugged and Stephanie walked over to the cat and petted it.

"Hello Minnie," She told the cat. She backed up quickly when the cat let out a low growl and transformed into an irate teacher.

"Miss Stormwing, I realize that you are involved with Mr. Weasley, but you are still my student and you are _not_ to call me Minnie," Professor McGonagall told her sharply. Then glared as she noted Stephanie's grin, "Or Miss McMuffin,"

(**Damia** - There Stevie, that should make you happy. You're with Fred _and_ you're beater for Ravenclaw," )

"I wouldn't dream of it," Stephanie told her with a grin.

"Back to the potion," Hermione said, stalling the argument that the teacher and student were sure to get into. It always happened. It didn't help any that Fred and George had started their joke business, Triple W, standing for Weasley Wizarding Wheezes. Of course the store had been an instant hit and they had opened four others, including one in Hogsmeade, where the two went on the weekends that Hogwarts students did.

"Well Miss Granger, Miss Stormwing, I didn't actually expect you to be able to get this far," Snape sneered at them.

"Go figure, we actually didn't expect _you _to hang around this long," Stephanie answered with a shrug.

"It would probably be better if you learned to think before you spoke," Flitwick told her, hiding a grin behind his hand.

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be any fun at all," She told the short professor with a grin.

"Well, right now we are in need of a charm," Professor McGonagall announced.

"The 'Finito Memboronis' charm," Hermione answered immediately.

"Well aren't we the smart one?" Snape sneered. Hermione looked at the floor while Stephanie and Profossor's Flitwick and McGonagal glared at the professor, who glared back.

"We have to perform it together don't we?" Stephanie asked. Hermione looked up at her and nodded.

"After that there's only one thing left to do before the potion's ready," Hermione answered.

"Alright girls, timing is of the utmost importance, listen carefully, you must say every word perfectly and at the exact same time or it wont work," Flitwick told them.

"Alright, say it one more time," Stephanie told him.

"FINITÈ MEMORONÌS LEMORONIS HOLORINITA," Flitwick told them, flicking his wand in the appropriate gesture. The girls pointed their wands at the potion and said the charm together.

"I'll see you in three and a half weeks," Hermione told them, walking out the door.

"Professor Flitwick?" Stephanie asked.

"Yes dear?" Flitwick asked.

"You know how you told me to think before I speak?" She asked him as she picked up her bag and walked over to the door.

"Yes," He answered slowly.

"Well maybe you should impart that bit of wisdom to a certain colleague of yours before he sends the head girl further into the void she already seems to be in," She swept out of the room angrily after imparting a glare to the potions teacher.

"She has a point Severus," McGonagall told him. He glared at them both.

"I'm not going to treat her like an invalid and lick her feet for a smile like the rest of you. It is the act of a child wanting attention, nothing else," Snape growled. He swept out of the room to go back down to his precious dungeons.

"I don't do that, do I?" Flitwick asked.

"No, none of us do. Severus just doesn't like to admit when he is worried. He hasn't taken points off of her once since holiday break last year. We all know what that means,"

"He's just as worried as the rest of us about her. Has she talked to you about anything?" Flitwick asked.

"If she had, I would have told the rest of you. The problem is that she hasn't. She doesn't talk to anyone really. Not even Harry and Ron," McGonagall said with a sigh.

"She talks to Stephanie," The tiny professor commented.

"No, not about anything other than school and the potion," McGonagall answered. The two left the room and went their different ways.

Hermione walked into her Crimson and gold room, slamming the door behind her. Malfoy wasn't there thankfully, so she didn't have to worry about what her stupid natural reactions had done. She glared at the mirror over in the corner before she walked over to her trunk and pulled out her one of her many razors. She slowly took off all of her clothes and pulled the bright metal across her legs, crossing over scabs, causing new blood to mix with the old. She sat and thought about everything. About Troy, about Harry and Ron, about Stephanie, about The professors, about Malfoy. As she thought, her hand kept moving. Methodically going over her legs, arms, and stomach. She stopped after a moment, suddenly realizing that at some time she would have to stop. Someone would find out. For now she was using this as a release, but someone would stop her in the future. Someone would stop her from healing herself.

Hermione screamed in her mind as she stood and looked out her window. If she didn't scream in silence someone would worry. Someone would pity her. Something she found to be worse than anything else that had ever been done to her body or mind.

She felt the blood flow down her legs in slim rivets and walked to the bathroom. She walked down the path that led to her 'waterfall' shower and stood under it, letting the evidence slip down the drain for no one to know about it. When the bleeding was done she soaped down, and rinsed off. She walked back to her room, grabbed one of her towels and cleaned up the blood that had dripped on the floor. She silently thanked merlin that the towels were Crimson so that blood wouldn't be spotted. After she was done she grabbed her bathrobe and walked to the bubble bath pond. She chose a beautifully exotic red flower and pressed down on it's leaf, causing bubble bath to poor out of it. The scent was a slightly spicy aroma that seemed to have a cinnamon base to it. The water had started to flow as soon as the bubbles had started, and she flipped the leaf again when the bubbles were as thick as she liked. There was a light pinkish hue to the foam that covered the entire pool. She slid under the water and found a stone bench that she could sit on and still have the water covering her up to the top of her shoulders. She didn't remember dozing off, but she must have because the next thing she knew there was something shaking her shoulder. Her eyes shot open and she shoved off to the center of the pond. Her cold eyes flew to the equally cold yes of Draco Malfoy.

"What were you doing?" She asked him. He lifted a platinum eye brow and sneered.

"What do you think? If you had drowned in the damned tub Pot-head and weasel would have blamed it on me and I don't want those two annoyances following me and trying to make things difficult," Draco answered.

"Why were you in here in the first place?" She demanded.

"I wanted a shower," He answered.

"Please leave while I get out of the tub," She told him. She sat in the center of what looked like a giant stash of marshmallow fluff.

"What, and pass up the golden opportunity to see little miss mudblood in all her finery? I think not," He told her with a cold grin.

"Trust me, you wont like what you see," Hermione told him.

"I already know that. It would just be nice to wave around in front of Pot-head and weasel,"

"That would be Potter and Weasley, Mr. Malfoy," Hermione told him.

"No, I think I had it right the first time," He told her, that blasted grin still on his face.

"I don't want to get into this right now. I have things I need to do, please hand me my robe," She told him. He raised his eyebrow again.

"Ordering me about? I don't think I appreciate it. You'll have to come out and get it Granger," He told the girl. She swam to the side of the tub.

"If you see me naked, I will take away your memory," She told him seriously.

"What? Little miss goody two shoes afraid to let me see the Gryffindor Princess?" Draco asked. She laughed softly.

"I may be a know it all, but I'm certainly not Good," She told him.

"But You don't bother to deny the other part. You who have been put on a pedestal by the rest of the school as some sort of Vestal Goddess. Like some sort of Innocent child," He gave her a smirk. She cocked her head to the side.

"Just goes to show you how large an imagination the people in this school have. I haven't been innocent for quite some time," She told him. She reached out and grabbed her robe from the side of the pond, putting it on under the water. She then left the poor boy standing there in shock as she left a large path of water dripping behind her. She closed her door firmly and then picked up her wand and used six different locking charms on it. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a brush. She sat and brushed her hair for a few minutes before standing and taking off the sodden robe. She pulled on a new uniform, dried her hair with a spell, and then hid her scars with yet another spell. She looked in the full length mirror and nodded. She was going to go to the Gryffindor common rom and apologize to Harry and Ron. They might be utter dim bulbs, but they were her friends, and she needed them. She left her common room and walked the familiar halls to Gryffindor Tower.

"Password?" the fat lady asked in her ever snobbish voice.

"Orchid Bloom," Hermione answered promptly. The painting swung open and Hermione stepped inside. She looked around and spotted Harry and Ron playing exploding snap with Neville and Ginny. She walked over to them and pulled up a chair.

"You're not welcome here," Ron told her, not looking up. Hermione shrugged.

"You don't know why I am here," She told him.

"Could it be so that you can sit and tell us what horrible friends we once were to you?" Harry asked her coldly.

"Actually it was to apologize. It's not you two who are horrible friends, it's me," She told them. The game went on pause by unspoken agreement and Neville walked away to talk to someone else.

"Alright, we're listening," Harry told her. She nodded.

"I haven't been telling you everything that's gone on in my life lately, I haven't been sharing things that I should be. You're my best friends and I'm treating you like trash," She told them quietly.

"Are you going to tell us now?" Ron asked her, looking at her with a blank face.

"I got over Krum almost as soon as we broke up. I just didn't like him as much as I thought I did. Then there was the thing my parents. I blame myself for what happened. I mean, if I wasn't a witch, nothing would have happened to them," Hermione explained.

"Listen 'Mione, it's not your fault, we've told you that," Ginny started, the boys in complete agreement.

"But it doesn't change that when I close my eyes at night, I see visions of what we could be doing if they weren't dead. I see things that have happened since they've died and none of it will stop," She told them, tears starting to fill her eyes.

"Oh Hermione, come here," Harry grabbed her arm and tugged her into his lap. He hugged her and Ron patted her back as she cried softly.

"I just feel like I'm not worth caring for. You guys are all too good for me. Hell, even Malfoy is to good for me," She told them, her face buried in Harry's shoulder. He and Ron could give her comfort without nightmares, it was a relief from the pain she carried day after day.

"Hermione Granger, don't you ever say that again. A million Malfoy's wouldn't be good enough to match you," Ron told her.

"I'm sorry, I've been a horrid bitch, haven't I?" She asked, wiping her eyes with clenched fists.

"Yeah, but it's understandable. I mean, look at these great louts that you hang out with," Ginny old her with a cheeky grin before moving off.

"It's alright 'Mione, we're used to you acting like a girl," Ron told her.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked, straightening up and glaring at the two.

"It means 'Mione, that you completely confuse us," Harry told her. She smiled as they laughed.

"So you don't hate me?" She asked them.

"Come on 'Mione, it'd take a lot more than that to hate you. You'd have to marry Malfoy for us to even consider hating you," Harry told her.

"Yeah, we might lose our tempers, but we wont hate you," Ron told her with a grin. She hugged them both and gave them a small smile.

"I'm glad, I don't know what I'd do if you two weren't around to make me feel better," She told them.

"Don't worry we'll always be here when you are in need, but it's getting to be time for us to go to bed," Ron told her with a lopsided grin.

"I'll see you at breakfast," She told them. She stood up and left the common room to go to the head girl rooms. She shook off a dizzy spell a few feet from her destination. She stopped and put a hand on the wall beside her. The walls were spinning around her, out of control just like the world she now lived in. She walked over to the painting,

"Hello Desmere, hello Rabbit," She greeted the woman and her dragon.

"Hello Hermione, password?" Desmere asked, stroking the dragon's head.

"Skittles," Hermione answered. The painting swung foreword and Hermione stumbled through it. She walked over to the nine steps that led to her door and stared up them. It was too far, she didn't know why, but she felt weak and helpless. She started up the stairs, but tripped and landed painfully across the stairs, her arm knocking over some kind of vase.

"What the hell are you doing - Granger! What the hell is it now?" Draco demanded, walking over. She looked at him, tears filling her eyes.

"I don't know," She told him angrily, though it sounded pitiful.

"Well what's the matter you bloody nitwit?" He asked.

"I don't know, everything was spinning, and then the gravity increased and I couldn't stay standing," She told him.

"Head ache?" He asked. She shook her head slowly. "Stomach hurt?" He asked, she nodded this time.

"A little," She admitted.

"When was the last time you ate?" He asked with a scowl.

"Breakfast," She told him.

"What did you have?"

"A piece of toast,"

"Dinner last night?"

"I didn't eat it," She answered.

"Granger you really are a ninny. Are you trying to starve yourself?" He asked. She scowled back at him.

"I haven't been hungry," She told him. He frowned again.

"Come on, I'll take you to that pathetic excuse for a nurse," He told her, reaching for her arms.

"NO," She cried loudly, "I don't want to go see Madame Pomfrey, I'll be fine if I have some sleep," She told him.

"No you wont," He told her.

"Yes I will,"

"No you wont,"

"Yes I will,"

"If I go get some food from the kitchens will you eat it?" He asked.

"I'm not hungry,"

"It's the food or Pomfrey," He told her with another scowl.

"I'll eat it," She told him. He nodded and grabbed her arm.

"What?" Hermione asked, confused.

"I'm sitting you over on the sofa," He snapped. He shoved her onto the chair and stormed out of the room, mumbling something about bloody females not eating the way they were supposed to and making him go out at night to get something. Hermione leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She opened them a few minutes later at the sound of the portrait hole opening.

"I told the house elves it was for you and they gave me this," He had a basket in his hand. He walked over and put it on the table in front of her before settling himself down on another chair.

"You're going to watch me?" She asked. He merely raised an eyebrow. Hermione shrugged and took a deep breath before opening the basket. Inside were a couple of bottles of butter beer, a thing of fruit, a few rolls, swiss cheese, salami, and a mug of hot chocolate. She shoved a butter beer his way.

"Eat Granger," He told her, opening the bottle. She pulled out a roll, split it and put a slice of cheese and a slice of pastrami on it. She bit into it and suddenly realized how hungry she was. She devoured it in moments and then made another. She shoved the sleeves of her shirt up so that she wouldn't get anything on them and then started to eat more. At the bottom of the basket she found two extremely large slices of german chocolate cake. She smiled and passed one over to Draco. They finished in silence and put all the dishes in the basket.

"Leave it there, they'll bring it back to the kitchens," Draco told her as she started to pick it up. She walked over and grabbed the empty bottle from his fingers, but he caught her hand and flipped it over.

"Let me go," She told him frantically, dropping the bottle and using her other hand to claw at his. He caught that one as well and flipped it over.

"The Queen of Gryffindor tower certainly has secrets. I wonder why no one has talked of this one," He whispered coldly as his thumb brushed across the matching scars on her wrists. She tried to pull away, but couldn't. "Let me go," She repeated.

"Potter and Weasley don't know, do they?" He asked, his expression blank.

"It's none of your business," She hissed furiously.

"But I'm making it my business. You waved a secret in front of the wrong cat's nose. My curiosity is boundless," He told her coldly.

"Curiosity killed the cat," She snapped.

"Satisfaction brought it back," He flipped back quickly.

"So what if I have scars on my wrists," She glared at him.

"Ah, but these scars mean that you tried to kill yourself. Would you want that around the school?" He taunted. A blank mask covered her face.

"And who would believe you other than Slytherins?" She asked him softly.

"Most of the school, including professors. You aren't the same person you used to be Granger," He told her with that stupid grin still on his face.

"What if I told you that this has been here for years?" Hermione asked him.

"Has it?" He countered.

"It is none of your business," She informed him.

"It wasn't to long ago at all. Was it over this last summer?" He asked, almost curious.

"No," She told him quietly.

"Why'd you do it?" He asked her.

"Peace," She answered immediately, without thinking. Draco was startled. He hadn't been expecting any of tonight's events. She pulled her hands from his and he watched her walk up the stairs and into her room.

"I'll find out what's wrong, and when I do the whole school will know. I will get you back for everything that you and your little friends have ever done Hermione Granger," Draco said softly to himself before walking to his own room.

XXX

Damia - "Whoa, it's been forever."

Wren - "What do you think of the chapter? Were we too mean to Hermione?"

Solatina - "Review people, we want feed back. It's not that hard! you press the little button and-"

Damia - "Enough Solatina,"


	5. Chapter 5

Note: THIS IS A VERY DARK CHAPTER. SELF MUTILATION. MENTIONS OF RAPE AND ABUSE AND SUICIDE.

Chapter 5

**She **

She. She screams in silence. A sullen riot penetrating through her mind. Waiting for a sign. To smash the silence with the brick of self-control. Are you locked up in a world That's been planned out for you. Are you feeling like a social tool without a use. Scream at me. until my ears bleed. I'm taking heed just for you

-- _Green Day_

_XXX_

Hermione woke up the next day with a yawn. She looked around her room and sighed. Everything was so pretty and nice. Not really what she wanted. She picked up her wand from the night table and gave it a flick. Black and Maroon sheer hangings were layered over the ceiling, giving everything a darker look. She pushed the covers off and stood up. She pulled off the black tee shirt she had been wearing and pulled on a bra. She walked over to the mirror in the corner. She traced lightly over the scars on her stomach. She let her eyes wander over all of the marks on her body, from her face to her feet. She whipped around and walked to the bathroom. She walked to the shower and quickly scrubbed herself down before leaving the room again. Once in her dorm she pulled on the uniform and did the quick cover up spell. She looked at herself in the mirror and schooled her features into a blank look.

"And onward to another day filled with silent suffering and frozen smiles," She murmured to herself. She left her room and walked down to the great hall. She took her place between Harry and Ron, in the middle of the quidditch team.

"Oy, 'Mione, Next weekend's the first Hogsmeade visit. You wanna go with us?" Jan asked her.

"Sure," She answered with a nod. She grabbed a piece of toast and ate it slowly.

"We got practice tonight, McGonagall booked the pitch for us. Hermione you can come watch if you want to," Ron announced.

"I have heads duty, but if I free up I'll come by," She answered dutifully.

"Good show 'Mione. Now, I believe we have double potions with Slytherin first, so we should get going. Don't want the bug up Snape's ass to bite," Harry said with a grin. The five of them stood up together.

It still amazed Hermione that Neville was such a good chaser. She had never expected him to get on a broom ever again after first year. It was simply amazing. Seamus of course had been a shoe in for chaser after Katie left. He was always hanging around the pitch. The five of them walked down to the dungeons and sat down near each other. Hermione partnered with Neville, Harry and Ron together, and Seamus waiting for his girlfriend. Snape walked in after everyone else had shown up.

"Class, as this is your seventh year, I want to brush up on a few old potions and make some harder ones. We will start with the truth potion. Any questions?" He asked them all. Hermione's stomach dropped as the professor looked her straight in the eyes. Somehow she knew she was not going to come out of this unscathed. She let her mind wander as Snape wrote the ingredients out on the board.

"Begin," He told them.

"Do you remember everything?" Hermione asked Neville quietly.

"For the most part. I'll ask when I'm not sure," He answered back. Neville had grown up quite a bit since his grandmother had passed away the year before. He had stopped letting Snape turn him into a quivering mess and had gained a lot of self confidence. He was still wary of the potions professor though.

Hermione put all of her ingredients in a row and started to deal with them as they were supposed to. She cut up some, powdered others, and stirred her cauldron occasionally. Near the end of class everyone was done. Snape circled the room. He came to the front again and smiled. No one liked that look.

"You will try your partners potion one at a time and I will ask a question," Snape told them. He looked at the first two. They obediently took a sip of each others potions.

"You, what do you want to do most at this moment?" Snape asked him.

"Sleep sir," the Slytherin answered.

"You, what do you fear most?" He asked the other one.

"My mum sir," The class laughed at the boy as he sat down. Snape moved to the next pair and the next and the next. Soon there were three pairs left.

"Draco, what do you love above all else?" Snape asked him. The boy smirked.

"I don't believe in love," He answered. Snape looked un-surprised, but Draco's partner looked a bit put out.

"Pansy, What do you love above all else?" Snape asked her, a look of annoyance on his face.

"Shoes and clothes," She answered immediately. He sighed as the class laughed once again.

"Mr. Weasley, what are you afraid of most?" Snape asked smoothly.

"Spiders," He answered. The slytherins laughed, they new that already.

"Mr. Potter, What would you do if you could choose to save Miss Granger or Mr. Weasley but not both?" He asked.

"Find a way to save them both," Harry answered.

"If it could not be done?" Snape asked cruelly, glancing at both people in question.

"I'd save Ron," He answered quietly, shooting a guilty look at Hermione. The girl nodded once at him.

"Mr. Longbottom, what is your worst nightmare?" Snape asked the boy.

"That what happened to my parents might happen to my friends," He answered quietly.

"Miss Granger, what about you?" He told her. Hermione's mind started in on over drive.

"What about me?" She asked. Truth potion forced you to tell the truth only if you lied. If you circled the answer it wouldn't do anything to you.

"What is your worst nightmare?" Snape asked.

"That which wakes me from my dreams," She answered. Snape frowned.

"Why are you not answering the question?" He asked with narrow eyes.

"I did answer the question," She retorted.

"What is your greatest fear and do not avoid the question," He told her.

"My greatest fear is Troy Metcalf and what happens when I go back," She told him, tears coming to her eyes. She ran out of the room, leaving everything behind.

"Draco, collect her things and take them to your common room, NOW. As for the rest of you, class is dismissed, bring your vials to the front of the room," Snape demanded. Draco stood and dumped her potion into the vial before cleaning it out with a quick charm. He picked up her things and took off on his way. He got up to the room and dropped her things in the common room. He then walked the stairs and listened at her door. No sounds. He shrugged. He needed a shower anyhow. He walked to his room and took off his robe, he wandered into the bathroom and froze.

"Bloody hell," He swore. There was blood all over the floor by the shower and a trail leading back to Hermione's room. There was also a partial hand print on the door knob. He walked across and gingerly opened the door. Hermione was sitting in a black bra and panties set and a black silk robe that wasn't closed, the floor around her covered in her own blood.

"No more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more, no more," She repeated it over and over, ever so quietly.

"Come on then, we're going to visit Madame Pomfrey," Draco told her.

"No, no, ... I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay here forever," She said softly.

"You just keep telling your self that," He told her with one eyebrow raised. He reached down to pick her up.

"Don't touch me," She screamed. He cursed again. He walked over to her fire and tossed in a pinch of the powder that was on the mantle.

"Dumbledore?" He called worriedly.

"Ah, Mr. Malfoy, Snape here is telling me about what happened in class today," He told the boy with a sad smile.

"Well neither of you are going to have to worry about Granger if you don't get up here and help. I need Madame Pomfrey or something, there is blood all over the place," He told the two men, he could now see Professor Snape as well.

"Move away from the fire," Dumbledore commanded him. Draco did as he was told and glanced at Hermione again. She had fallen over but was still quietly carrying on her litany. Snape and Dumbledore appeared from the fire and took the scene in a moment.

"Totalus Reducto," Snape shouted immediately. The blood on the floor disappeared, but more was leaving Hermione by the moment. Dumbledore tossed the powder into the fire again and shouted "infirmary"

"Poppy, step through and bring anything you might need to stop an extreme amount of bleeding," Two minutes later the school nurse entered the room.

"Out, all of you," She snapped. Hermione moaned as if in pain or fright every time one of them came to close. The three didn't leave, but instead crossed the room to where she couldn't see them any more. Tears poured from her eyes, as Madame Pomfrey knelt beside her.

"It's alright dearie, they wont hurt you anymore," She told the girl quietly. Hermione had been such a well adjusted child, what had happened?

"I want my mommy," She told the older woman in quivering tones.

"How about you tell me everything that is wrong," The nurse told the girl, starting to clean up the girl. It was going to be a long procedure.

"Troy Metcalf was to be my Guardian after my parents died. So I went to live with him. He's mean. He hurts me," She whispered.

"He wont hurt you anymore," Pomfrey told her firmly.

"They took my virginity, he and his friends. Every night when I'm there, and they have a trunk full of things. They call them toys. They aren't toys I'd let my kids play with," She told the nurse. Poppy looked at the girl sharply. She was in a state of shock. Why now? Why after all of this time?

"He wont hurt you anymore," She repeated to the child.

"He always hurts me. Him or his friends. I hate them, but if I say it I get in trouble. I'm only allowed to eat once a day because I'm too fat, and if I'm thirsty, they make me do other things, things I hate. I don't want to go back, I can't. I want mommy and daddy, but it's my fault I can't see them. They died because I'm a witch, and Troy hurts me because I'm a witch, he hurts me and I'm not strong enough to stop him," she was crying silently.

Poppy continued to fix up the girl automatically. She was ready to go into shock herself. The poor dear, no wonder she did this to herself, not that Poppy thought it was a good way to deal with pain, but she understood the motives now.

"Can you make him go away? I don't want to go back to him, but he says I have to see him during break. Don't make me go back," Hermione was pleading with the nurse.

"If he comes anywhere near you I'll kill him with out a second thought," Poppy told her aggressively.

"No, you mustn't, he's not worth going to Azkaban," Hermione told her.

"But you are my dear girl. This should never have happened," Poppy told the girl firmly.

"But it did, make it stop, I can't sleep without seeing them there, I can't eat because I feel sick all the time, I can't smile because I'm not happy, and I can't let anyone touch me without imagining it's him or his friends. I want it to be like it was before my parents died, but I know it wont ever be. Life is cruel, but I don't think I did anything to deserve it's cruelty. Please make it stop. I tried to make everything stop, but Troy wouldn't let me die," The tears continued to pour out of Hermione, and her sobs wracked Poppy to her very soul, "Why wont you let me stop all of this?" Hermione asked.

"My dear girl, it will be better. I will help you, but you can't die, not for a long while," Poppy told her, tears running down her aging face. She did a quick spell and Hermione was knocked unconscious. The room was suddenly silent.

"I will excuse her from classes for the next week," Dumbledore announced.

"Why didn't we see it Albus?" Poppy asked him quietly.

"We never thought such atrocities possible for our students. We now know better. Take her to the hospital wing," Dumbledore answered. He turned to Draco and Snape as the nurse disappeared through the fireplace with her charge.

"Albus, I," The professor was cut off.

"I understand your motives Severus, and I do not blame you in the least," Dumbledore answered quietly. He left the room and Snape turned to Draco.

"I suggest you forget everything that you have seen here. I do not want to hear anything about this incident from students," Snape informed the boy. Draco nodded and walked through the bathroom to his own room, pausing momentarily to clean the blood that was still all over the floor.

Snape looked around the dark room silently asking himself why no one had ever thought of the real answer. Why no one cared enough to delve deeper. He noticed a small notebook on her bed that was open. He walked over to that little book and looked at it. Staring up at him was a beautifully drawn rose with blood dripping from it's thorns, and on the page next to it was a poem.

**Only Human**

A picture I will paint

so you will understand

that she was not a saint

and her life was never grand

She knew of suffering and pain

because she felt them often

and she helped many without gain

hoping to make her memories soften

She smiled brightly at all her friends

so they wouldn't dig to deep

she didn't want them to see her ends

didn't want to make them weep

She took her razors late one night

and cut into her thigh

she knew it wasn't a pretty site

but she didn't want to cry

In the end she stopped that play

and now she carries more scars

to keep her company when she doesn't pay

for her drinks in all the bars

You see she moved on to a different game

one that's tolls weren't quite so glaring

she moved onto bodily shame

And now they call her daring

Her friends they think she's innocent

so full of life and verve

but really her emotions are spent

and she's lost most of her nerve

She called for help in silence

But no one answered the plea

And then she some how sensed

that she could never really flee

So she stood up straight

and stepped toward her end

she gave a finger to fate

and looked at her friends

They were her reasons for living

in a cold and cruel world

She acted sweet and caring

and never were insults hurled

She hated ignorance and lies

she fought for all to be free

She comforted when people cried

and helped to make the blind see

And people yelled and called her saint

but she wasn't all that grand

She hated her life, and that's why I paint

So you all will understand

(Damia - "written by Stevie")

Severus shook his head and turned away from the book, quickly leaving the room. He walked quickly down the halls, children parting before him like Moses and the Sea. As he came to the hospital wing he was surprised to find the door locked and a notice hanging on it.

"If you are not dying of blood loss go to Professor Flitwick," signed Albus Dumbledore. Snape glowered before turning and walking down to his dungeons.

XXX

Damia - "I know, I take too long to update,"

Solatina - "Next someone will have to tell me why I care,"

Wren - "You don't care about anything,"

Solatina - "Yes I do,"

Wren - "Name one thing,"

Solatina - "I care about plants,"

Wren - "Really?"

Solatina - "Yup. Now shut your yap miss Priss,"

Wren - "I am NOT a priss,"

Solatina - "No, of course not,"

Wren - "Don't think I don't know what sarcasm is,"

Damia - "**ANYWAY**!! The usual stuff applies, we all know I don't own Harry Potter. However I do own the poem (with Stevie's permission- love you girl), so if you would be so kind as to not steal it, I would be obliged. Review Please.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Hiding **

She smiles

it doesn't reach her eyes

He notices

and wonders why

when she laughs

it has that hollow sound

he frowns and looks around

he wonders

How can so much beauty

have so much pain

how can one girl

have no hope

your friends don't notice

that your light is gone

as the dead look is covered

and you run and hide

-- _Blood of the Sun_

_XXX_

Hermione heard voices all around her, whispering, saying her name. She recognized them, but couldn't give them faces. She drifted away from semi-consciousness and fell into a dark abyss.

It had been three days and none of the professor's would tell Draco anything about Hermione. People had noticed her absence right away, even those two bone headed friends of hers. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a slivery cloak. He gave the cloak a grim smile before slipping it over his head. Anywhere the cloak touched his body, they both seemed to disappear. His bedroom door opened, and then the painting opened, and soon the infirmary opened. He slipped inside and walked to the back, where there was a small white sheeted enclosure. The cloak was taken off and he stood looking at the girl for a few moments. Seeing her like this gave him unwanted feelings, feelings that he couldn't understand and wasn't sure he wanted to understand. Hermione murmured lightly in her sleep and turned her head, her hair had moved away from her neck and he saw a few small scars, and one that was curved slightly under her shirt. He noticed the bottle beside her bed.

"Dreamless Sleep," He whispered to himself. Only his mother knew that he needed that at night. She sent him a constant supply so that he wouldn't have to go out and buy it for himself. His hand slipped toward the girl sleeping on the bed and brushed her hair from her face. He told himself to pull it back, but his body didn't want to obey. His hand moved to her lips, fingers gently tracing them before moving on, they traced her jaw, the column of her throat. As they reached the base of her neck, his finger came back to his side. There was a tiny frown on the girls face now.

"Don't hurt me," She whispered, so quietly he almost didn't hear her. Those feelings that he couldn't quite identify rose up within him again and he fought to push them down. He picked up the cloak and pulled it over his head before running to his rooms.

Hermione didn't know what was going on. She was asleep, she knew that, but even so. She seemed to be sitting in a field of flowers that was surrounded by a black void. All of a sudden it was all gone. There was someone there, someone just outside of her sight. Someone she could feel, she could sense. She felt safe all of a sudden.

"Don't hurt me," She whispered to what ever it was. The feeling left and the field was back, with the black void that seemed to stretch into eternity.

Draco whispered the password and the painting opened, allowing him to slip past. He walked up to his room and sat on his bed. A few moments later he decided to take a bath. He slipped inside the bathroom and ran the water before sliding in for a soak. His thoughts jumbled together in his head until he was completely confused. An hour or so later he climbed out and wrapped a towel around his hips. He stood and looked at Hermione's door. He moved forward through it. He glanced around and saw the open book sitting on her bed. He read the poem and looked at the rose. He flipped randomly to another page and dropped the book. On one side was himself, standing against a wall, sneer on his face, glaring eyes, and hair perfectly placed. On the other side was a poem

**Do Not Point **

You who so sits and points

your finger at everyone

but your own self are

the worst of offenders

the worst of all cheats

the worst of all liars

the worst of all misers

and the worst of all cretins

you preach a hate that

you yourself are such an

ignorantly large part of.

You who sits so high above

everyone else so that you

can feel as if you have

some sort of power over

them all, but in reality

you have no power but

that which you so disparage

of those who might be strong enough

to fight you for your empty

title but are too wise to

really want it for themselves.

You who wags an ill favored

tongue only to spread the

dissent that you alone believe

to be the keeping of your

simplistic throne are naught

worth a single thing to those

that you look on with such

disgust, those self same people

who pretend not to know what

you mean when you try to poison

their minds to what you want

You who would rape an

innocent mind are more

foul than anything you have

the audacity to curl your

overly indulged upper lip

at in your narrow minded

disgust over the state of

his clothes and the sweat

that he pays to make you

as pampered and spoiled as

you have been all your life.

So turn that accusing digit

back towards your own chest

and pause for a moment in thought

Climb down off that self

raised dais to look at the truth

that is the people all around you

belt the tongue that poisons

the ever darkening soul inside

your chest with it's na**ï**vet**é**

Open your mind and look at yourself

you are the evil to be purged

(Damia - "This poem belongs to Stevie Williams, one of the best people you could ever meet")

Draco went back to his room and thought for the first time about the way he had treated mud-bloods, no, muggle born witches and wizards. He had no doubt in his mind that the poem was directed at himself. Not with a picture like that beside it.

"She thinks I'm evil," He said out loud, sort of trance like.

"Sounds lovely dear," His mirror murmured sleepily. What had he ever done that was so horrible that she thought he was evil? Sure he had called her mud-blood and other names, and maybe he had even done a few nasty things other than that, like throwing curses around. Though she had to admit that the curse he had thrown 5th year that made her hair pin straight wasn't too bad at all. She looked much better with straight hair as opposed to the bush she had originally. Then again she might have decided, like everyone else in the school, that he would follow his father into the ranks of Death Eaters. As if.

Of course maybe she meant Evil as an example of sorts. Maybe she thought that _he_ thought that Mud-bloods were evil. He didn't of course, but still, that would explain things. If she thought that he thought mud-bloods were evil, then that meant that she thought that he and people with like thoughts ought to die. No, not Granger. His thoughts -if he thought the way she thought he thought- were the evil to be purged, that had to be it. He was happier now that he had an idea of what she thought of him.

Hermione opened her eyes and was met with blinding white. Crisp clean and utterly disgusting white. She closed her eyes immediately.

"Now now Miss Granger, you really do need to get up at some point," Came a sad voice from her left. She opened her eyes and looked up at Madame Pomfrey.

"How long have I been asleep?" Hermione asked tiredly.

"Five days," She answered shortly.

"You hate me for what I did, don't you?" She asked the older woman.

"No, I hate the people that drove you to it," Pomfrey told her sternly. Hermione look her in the eye unblinkingly.

"When does the speech come?" Hermione asked.

"Speech?" The nurse looked surprised.

"You know, the one about life being grand and not having enough time as it is so there isn't any point to ending it early," the younger girl answered monotonously.

"I'm not about to give you any such speech, that's for your head of house," The older woman said with a smile.

"So what do you get to do?" Hermione asked.

"I get to warn you what happens if you try it again," She answered lightly.

"And?" Hermione asked expectantly.

"And you go to St. Mungo's for a few weeks . . . maybe longer if you actually _are_ out of your mind," She sounded as if she thought Hermione completely sane.

"So you don't hate me?" Hermione asked, sounding relieved.

"No," The nurse answered.

"Does Dumbledore hate me?" Hermione asked.

"No," The nurse answered. Hermione relaxed a bit more before tensing up again.

"Is the entire school talking about it?" She sounded a little scared at that thought.

"No. Only the professor's, you, me, and Draco Malfoy know what happened. Young Master Malfoy has had the consequences of spreading disgusting rumors told to him and he isn't about to tell anyone. It is up to you as to what happens next," Madame Pomfrey told her seriously.

"I know my peers. As soon as potions was over everyone in that class went out and told the other houses. By dinner everyone in the school knew that I had run out of the class and didn't show up for any others. Nor have I been seen by anyone for the past five days. They are making up stories and spreading them around each other. Who knows, some may even have hit on the truth. They have probably been hounding Harry and Ron, as well as Draco because he is my roommate and partner. I think you should have just let Malfoy tell everyone. It would have made things much simpler," Hermione told the woman.

"But I would hate to have to send Miss Stormwing to Azkaban for murdering such promising young students," Came a beloved voice. She hadn't heard Dumbledore walk in, but he was always appearing out of nowhere.

"Why would she kill Malfoy and his cronies?" Hermione asked.

"You misunderstand, she would kill Harry and Ron for not realizing that there was something wrong. You don't really want that to happen before you tell her yourself, do you?" The old man asked her as he sat down in a chair that he conjured up for himself.

"Why would I tell her?" Hermione asked passively.

"She will drive you mad with questions if you don't," He answered with a grin.

"If I tell her I will have to tell Harry and Ron, and if I tell them, they will tell Ginny, and when Ginny finds out so will the whole bloody school. After every student here knows what happened they will be owling their parents and their parents will demand that I be sent to St. Mungo's until I am mentally stable. Now I'm pretty sure you already realize this and all, but _no teenager is mentally stable_, especially not a female. With my luck as soon as I was sent my period would start and I would be threatening bodily harm on every male in my presence. Now do you really think that I should tell anyone?" Hermione demanded. Dumbledore just continued to look at her with both eyebrows raised.

"How about if I make an announcement at dinner that you had an unfortunate accident after having a trying day and are on your way to a full recovery," He asked her after a few moments.

"That sounds fine," She told him.

"You really will have to tell her sometime," The old man told her before leaving the room to allow Poppy to give her charge potions.

XXX

That night at Dinner Professor Dumbledore stood up to make a speech.

"Many of you have been wondering where our head girl has been for the past few days. I would like to tell you now that she had an unfortunate accident," He paused as people gasped in horror and whispering started. "She is now on her way to a full recovery, but will still not be in classes for at least a week. She would also like me to tell you all that she is bored out of her skull and would like someone to bring her homework," That brought laughs from anyone that knew her. She was always wanting homework. "She is in the hospital wing for anyone that would like to see her," With that he clapped his hands and sat down.

"Some accident," Ginny commented.

"How come they didn't tell me and Harry about it?" Ron asked while stuffing his mouth.

"It had to of been bad if she's only just now allowed to have visitors," Ginny commented.

"She's going to need a bushel of chocolate frogs," Jan said with a smile.

"And Berty Botts," Karen added.

"She's always had a thing for Sugar Quills," commented Neville. They continued to talk about what they should send the girl.

"Well, I hope she'll be ready for the project we're doing," Stephanie told those sitting closest to her.

"You still haven't told us about this project Stephanie," Commented another girl.

"And I'm not going to now. I told you, it's a secret," She told the girl.

"You're as bad as your boyfriend for keeping secrets," Commented a boy.

"Fred is wonderful at keeping secrets, so is George for that matter. They can't help it if they have to tell each other. If you were as close as them you would do the same thing," Stephanie told them.

"I suppose we should send her cards," Commented a fifth year prefect.

"I'm owling Fred and letting him know what's going on. She'll have all sorts of things to do then," Stephanie said with a wicked grin. She flipped her hair behind her back and stood up.

"Quidditch practice," commented her captain. She smiled.

"I know, you can't do anything without your star beater. I'll be there in a shake," she strode out of the hall with a smile on her face.

Again at midnight Draco pulled on his invisibility cloak and traveled to the infirmary. He noted that now there were all sorts of things around her on the tables, cards, candy, books. He watched her as she breathed, in and out, in and out. He didn't know how long he stood there, watching, not thinking, just taking her in. He gently moved the hair off of her forehead before leaving.

Hermione woke up the next morning to flowers and gifts. She was glad to see that her homework was on the table beside her. She sat up in bed and pushed her hair out of her face as she looked at everything. Madame Pomfrey came in with a tray.

"Here's your breakfast, eat all of it. People keep coming through asking when they will be allowed to visit you. Tell me when you're ready and I'll do a quick cleanup spell so you look nice and neat," The nurse bustled out of Hermione's little enclosed space and off to hassle the other patients. Hermione drank her orange juice and ate her french toast. As soon as she was done her tray disappeared and the nurse was at her side.

"Are you ready for a few guests?" She asked the girl.

"No, but I'll see them anyhow," Hermione answered.

"Hertosimis," Madame Pomfrey said. The clothes that Hermione was wearing were now unwrinkled and her hair was in two neat braids that hung almost to her waist. The nurse was gone again in a moment and in walked Harry and Ron.

"Hello 'Mione," Ron said with a smile. He sat on the edge of her bed.

"Hello boys, it's been ghastly in here," Hermione told them with a sigh.

"Of course it has, you aren't allowed to do anything fun," Harry said with a grin.

"You would know, you're in here enough," She told him.

"What happened?" Ron asked. Harry elbowed his friend in the ribs before shaking his head.

"I don't really remember. I think I fell in the bathroom and hit my head, I didn't wake up until yesterday. I've ben sort of out of it," She told them smoothly.

"You fell?" Harry said, looking slightly relieved.

"What did you think happened," Hermione asked him calmly.

"I didn't know what happened. We were worried 'Mione, we were ready to go attack Dumbledore to get the information about you," Ron answered.

"Really?" She asked quietly. Harry took one of her hands.

"Hermione, I know we're not always the best of people, especially to you. We tend to take you for granted, and we both miss the obvious things quite often. The reason you are our best girl friend though, is because we love you. You're like a sister to us, it feels like we're family. The way you've been since your parents died . . . well it's almost like someone's been torturing you and we can't stop it from happening. It's like you wont let us stop it or even help _you_ stop it. You don't smile, you don't laugh, you don't tell us how stupid we are, you don't yell at Malfoy, you don't show off in transfiguration, and you don't hug us or anyone else. You changed, and everyone can see it. We are worried even if it seems like we aren't," Harry told her.

"Boys, classes start in six minutes, I suggest you go now," Madame Pomfrey told them as she peaked through the curtain.

"I'll tell you what's been going on tonight, ok?" She told them.

"We'll be here," They told her with smiles on their faces.

XXX

Damia - "Whoa, another chapter, and so soon,"

Solatina - "I don't like orange juice,"

Wren - "Who cares?"

Solatina - "Hey!! You're supposed to be the nice one,"

Damia - "I would like more reviews, thank you for reading, and the same old stuff applies, I own nothing except Stephanie,"

Solatina - "I don't think Stevie's going to like you saying that you own her,"

Wren - " She meant the character smart one,"

Solatina - "You're starting to creep me out,"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Concrete Angel **

She walks to school with the lunch she packed  
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back  
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday  
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask  
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask  
Bearing the burden of a secret storm  
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain  
She stands hard as a stone  
In a world that she can't rise above  
But her dreams give her wings  
And she flies to a place where she's loved  
Concrete angel

-- _Martina McBride_

XXX

Draco sat in his common room in thought. That poem of Hermione's was powerful. '_open your mind and look at yourself, you are the evil to be purged_' It had hit him somewhere deep inside. A place he hadn't known existed. He had never really taken a step out to look at himself before. He wondered what sort of a monster everyone else saw. Bully, tyrant, future death eater? The first two were a little true at least. He knew that his father had rubbed off on him, but enough to become a Death Eater? Could people actually believe that he would sink into that mindless blob of self inflicted mental torture? He wasn't as stupid as that.

His mind moved to Snape. A man that demanded his respect. The man had been a spy for Merlin knew how long and was still a decent person. Maybe not the nicest of teachers, but he hadn't broken under all the pressure. No one could say that the man had weakness anywhere in him. That was what Draco wanted. To be a strong, fearless man like his head of house. It would be harder for Draco though if he did decide on that particular course of action. Dumbledore had given him a few choices. That was only one of them. What did he really want to do?

Hermione lay in bed staring out the window. She felt trapped in a way. If she so much as moved her hand away from the bed Pomfrey was at her side. The sun shone outside the window, as if mocking her confinement. She glared at the white fluffy cloud that seemed to resemble a piece of glass she had once tried to end her life with. It too was mocking her. She growled in frustration. She _had _to take the step to recovery. She _had _to tell someone about what was happening. So she had opened her big mouth and spoken to them, the two that deserved to know the truth. After they had left Madame Pomfrey had offered to leave them in privacy when the boys came back. Hermione had told her to stay, she might as well hear all of it.

She took a deep breath as she glanced at the clock on the wall. The boys' last class of the day was only halfway through. It was so long a wait. She growled again before grabbing one of her school books and reading the next chapter.

"Hermione?" Came a tentative voice. She glanced up at the blonde haired Slytherin boy. His gray eyes looked guarded, as if he were afraid she would read his very soul.

"Hello Draco," She told him with a nod toward the stool by her bed. He had a black book in his hands that she recognized as he set it on her bed.

"I thought you might like to have this with you. Let out some more of your feelings," Draco told her. Hermione was torn between anger at him reading her poetry book, and awe at the sweetness of the gesture to bring it to her.

"You're a really good artist," He told her, not quite meeting her eyes.

"I didn't have much else to do," Hermione said with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"See you around," he said, standing up and leaving the room. She picked up the book and let it fall open. There was a small ring with a note attached to it. The ring was silver and had a single small black pearl in the center. She glanced at the note.

_Hermione - _

_The pearl is the the symbol for the tear, but it is also a symbol for hope. Someone I admire greatly once gave me a pearl to help me get through a problem, and I felt that I could do the same for you._

_- Draco_

She slipped the ring onto her right pointer finger, it fit perfectly. She smiled and decided that Draco had more facets than she had originally thought. She then noticed the poem the ring had been placed in. On one side there was a picture, like with all of her poems. This picture was of a girl looking in the mirror. On her side she was standing tall and proud, a smile on her face, the picture of perfection. Her reflection was not so lucky. It was scarred and bleeding, clothed in the barest of rags, and chains were hanging from her wrists, ankles, and neck.

**This is me**

I don't think you realize

what it's like to be me

I don't think you understand

what it's really like to bleed

you look at me and see

something that's not there

a girl who is perfect

but that is just unfair

I am not the one

who said I am the best

I am just the one

who cannot ever rest

You do not see the pain

that I hide behind cold eyes

and you do not hear the truth

that is covered by the lies

I know you see the marks

that I give myself each night

but you do not ever comment

so i guess that it's alright

you tell me that you care

but I know it is not true

because if you did

you wouldn't let me stew

I go along my way

pretending that I'm fine

but in the cold reality

I'm just waiting for my time

When that moment comes

I will give a real smile

because the nightmare will be over

I wont have to breathe denial

The darkness will then swallow me

I wont have to taste the fear

The pain will leave me all alone

I will never again shed a tear

_(Damia - "Again, thank you Stevie for the Poem")_

Hermione slammed the book shut and put it on her table. She didn't want to think about the endless meanings that her words could have. She glanced at the clock on the wall. Class was over, the boys would be coming. She did Madame Pomfrey's spell and was glad to be presentable as half the quidditch team came in.

"Hey Hermione, heard you asked Harry and Ron to come on by. We didn't like the idea of them hoarding you to themselves though," Seamus told her with a smile. She nodded to him. After ten minutes Madame Pomfrey kicked out everyone except Ron and Harry. They sat on each side of her, not pushing her to say anything.

"I lied to you earlier, I didn't fall," She told them quietly.

"We knew that Hermione," Ron told her, equally quiet.

"Do you know what happened?" Hermione asked them.

"No, but we know it was bad enough to warrant a teacher keeping tabs on you at every moment," Harry answered. Hermione nodded.

"I tried to kill myself," Hermione told them matter of factly.

"Why?" Harry asked, dumbstruck.

"It goes back to my parents deaths. I'm not going to repeat this, so you might not want to interrupt," Hermione told them.

"Alright," Harry dropped back against the opposite end of the bed. Ron sat on the stool by the bedside.

"We're ready," Ron answered. They weren't though. They weren't ready for everything that Hermione had gone through and all that she had dealt with silently.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ron asked quietly after she had stopped her tale.

"Would you have listened?" Hermione asked, looking the boy in the eye.

"Of course I-," Ron started before getting cut off by the girl.

"Hold on a moment Ron. Think deeply about this and answer truthfully. I gave you signs, a lot of them. Did you look for them?" She asked them.

"We weren't expecting," Again Ron was cut off by Hermione.

"You were supposed to be my best friends," Hermione glanced over at Harry, who was staring out the window, "As a friend you should have noticed _something_, anything. Said something. The truth is you didn't want to see anything. You didn't want anything to interrupt your great and wonderful lives," Hermione said.

"I don't know if I'd have listened 'Mione, but you could have tried to talk to us," Ron told her quietly. Harry was still looking out the window.

"We all treated you like some Goddess and you hated it, didn't you?" Harry asked, not looking away from the window.

"You tell me Harry, you've been in that spot," She told him.

"But I didn't deserve it," Harry remarked.

"And I did?" Hermione asked softly. Harry turned to face her.

"No, you _do_. You just might be the bravest person I know," Harry told her before standing up and leaving the room. Ron looked at Hermione helplessly.

"Follow him, it's what you two are good for. Leaving me alone to take each others sides. I understand, even if it doesn't make me happy. Just remind him that this is why I didn't tell you," Hermione told Ron. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but changed his mind and left the hospital wing. Hermione leaned back against her pillows to stare at those self righteous clouds again.

Hermione must have dozed off at some point, she wasn't sure when, but the next thing she knew, a mass of curly hair was covering part of her bed. She could hear muffled crying beside her. She scooted up and Stephanie sat up instantly. The girl scrubbed away tears with the back of her hands.

"Hi," She said in a watery voice.

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked her. She had never seen the vivacious girl anything but giddily chipper.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING," The girl shouted at her. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"I beg your pardon?" Hermione asked archly.

"What is going on here?" Pomfrey demanded, coming over.

"Beat it Poppy," Stephanie flicked her wand behind her and suddenly Poppy's voice was muffled and nothing was coming into the curtained area.

"Shield spell?" Hermione asked mildly.

"I repeat, what were you thinking? I never would have figured you for a coward Hermione," Stephanie shouted. She stood up beside the bed. Her hair fell around her in wild disarray and as usual she wasn't dressed in the uniform. Instead she wore tight muggle jeans, oxfords, and a tee-shirt that said 'I am the bad thing that happens to good people'.

"Excuse me? Coward?" Hermione demanded, stiffening her back in indignation.

"You heard me doll face, I said coward. You tried to kill yourself, and don't bother to deny it. I have ears in every part of the school," Stephanie informed her angrily, tears leaking out of her eyes.

"You know nothing about me," Hermione started, not about to be yelled at by this little girl.

"I know that you were hurting mentally, emotionally and probably physically as well. I know that at breakfast you don't eat, you push around your food and allow Ron to steal most of it off of the plate. At Lunch you have a piece of fruit. The few times that you've deigned to show up to dinner you've eaten a few bites and then left the plate alone. I'm not as unobservant as people think. You of all people should realize that," Stephanie told her angrily, wiping away more tears.

"Then why are you only now showing up?" Hermione asked coldly.

"Don't you dare turn Ice Princess on me little girl. It took me this long to convince myself you were healthy enough for me to vent on," Stephanie snapped.

"So you think you know everything about me?" Hermione demanded.

"Don't you dar take the 'woe is me' act out on me. I don't want to hear it. What ever happened was bad, I get it. I can even see why self mutilation might have been your choice. However spilling part of your deep dark secret to our lovable potions professor doesn't mean that you all of a sudden throw away a life that could get better," Stephanie told her.

"It didn't look like it was getting better to me," Hermione told her angrily.

"You didn't look at all," Stephanie replied, just as angry.

"None of you cared. You never did a bloody thing to try and help me," Hermione shouted. Stephanie straightened to her full height.

"How dare you? You refused to _let_ us help. You sat up there on your pedestal, wobbling back and forth, refusing anyone's help to keep you steady, secretly hoping you would fall to the ground in tiny shattered pieces," Stephanie shouted.

"Did any of you ask?" Hermione screamed.

"YES," Stephanie screamed back.

"When?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Every time you walked into a room, every time we happened to see a rather large tome that no one wanted to read, every time you walked past in silence, and every single time everyone around you was smiling, and you weren't! We were all worried, teachers and students alike," Stephanie paused to give a harsh laugh. It sounded grating and self deprecating. "You didn't care though, did you? You didn't notice. You didn't once think about what would happen to all those that you would have left behind. After all, everything is about you, is it not? Do us all a favor and get over yourself," Stephanie twirled around and flicked her wand, shoving her way past Madame Pomfrey and out of the nursing room. Hermione looked out at those clouds from her window again, a silent tear rolling down her face.

XXXX

Damia - "Thank you to all of my reviewers, I'm a bit Lazy and I have decided that today would make a good day to list out those that reviewed chapter 6,"

Wren - "That's nice of you,"

Solatina - "You are so lame,"

Wren - "Blow it out your-"

Damia - "ANYWAY"

Solatina - "Feisty today, must be that time of month,"

**Ikia** - It's possible. I like the idea of being a mentor, but I can't see him as the fatherly type.

**pstibbons **- Castration ... sorry, visualizing. Anyway, they will be getting something, that's for sure. As for Harry, he does that every now and then. He isn't a villain, he's just a little wrapped up in his own admittedly-important problems. Same with Ron.

**LunaML **- Thank you for your words. This is my way of venting. I work with battered women and sometimes I get frustrated with the way people react to these sorts of things.

**VipersMyst** - I'm glad to know you enjoy my story. I didn't remove it. I'm actually not sure why it was removed. It took me a while to work up the guts to post it again. Sadly not as many people seem to like it this time around. I can see how that works though, I mean, more books have been printed and people are more interested in that, I'm thinking about writing another one that fallows the cannon more. Not until I finish this one though.

**Silent-Mousie** - You gave me hope and the confidence to keep writing. You were my very first reviewer this time around. Hermione is getting a kitty cat for Christmas. She needs a name. Pick one of the following (if you're still reading) **Artemis **or** Moonbeam **or** Pixie **or** Brooke **

You all made me very happy and helped me to write this last chapter. Please give me any idea's, thoughts, or questions that you may have. It will help me to get my chapters out more quickly.

- Damia


	8. Chapter 8

Damia - "What is with so many people saying that Stephanie 'wronged' or was overly harsh to Hermione? And Whoever "AngelM" is, I don't appreciate getting hate-mail, especially over something as trivial as that. If you don't like it, don't read the story. Simple as that. Stephanie was giving the girl a much needed dose of reality. I am going to stick by Stephanie's decision and the way she acted, as well as the way she acts in the future. Every story needs someone willing to voice harsh truths,"

Chapter 8

**"Sorry" **

Today's a reason for living  
Today's the blood from a stone  
Today's the light from a candle  
Helping us to find our way home  
Today we carry each other  
Today the past is a freak  
Today is the time for forgiveness  
You were never that good to me

I'm sorry I can't lie  
I wasted too much time  
Drowning, I've been blind  
But I've opened up my eyes  
Sorry I can.t lie  
So I'll just say goodbye,  
goodbye, goodbye

Today is tasting the honey  
Today's the strike of a match  
Today's the lines in the pavement  
Helping us to find our way back  
Today's the crosses we carry  
Today's the strength that we need  
Today's the hand of an angel  
You were not the kind to believe  
Today we carry each other  
Today we do what we should  
Today is the time for forgiving  
Today I wish I could

- Our Lady Peace

XXX

The boys had come back to see Hermione the next day, Harry apologized and Ron gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I should have told you. You asked often enough what was wrong," Hermione told them, still thinking about what Stephanie had said.

"In truth we thought it was a girl thing," Ron said with a shrug. Hermione smiled slightly and shook her head at her friend.

"Same old Ron, don't change on me, k?" She asked him. Ron gave her a lopsided grin and shrugged.

"I don't know if that was an insult, but you don't have to worry," He answered her.

"It's nice to see you smiling, even if it is in the hospital wing," Harry told her with a grin of his own.

"What can I say, male intelligence is amusing," Hermione retorted with an even larger grin.

"Amen sister," Stephanie said from the other side. Harry and Ron smiled at her.

"You still dating that good for nothing brother of mine?" Ron asked her curiously.

"One of them anyway," Stephanie told them, flicking her wand and creating a cushy armchair that she flopped in. She was wearing black capri's and a purple tanktop that said 'you don't see me' across the front in flashing letters under her black robe.

"Are those for me?" Hermione asked, looking at the butter beers in the girls hands.

"Most of them, though you have to share when I'm here," Stephanie told her with a grin. She had ten bottles in her arms. She handed one to each of the people in front of her, kept on for herself, and set the rest on the table.

"Go to visit Fred last night?" Harry asked with a grin.

"After Poppy's detention anyway. Stayed the night, only just got back," Stephanie said with an even larger grin.

"I don't want to hear about my brothers night time activities," Ron groaned.

"Just think of it as a fun form of exercise," Stephanie said with a grin.

"So wrong," Ron had squeazed his eyes shut and was shaking his head while covering his ear. Stephanie eyed him warily.

"Sometimes you worry me," She told him, shaking her head.

"Sometimes _you_ worry _me_," Harry said, eyeing the girl the same way. She smiled sweetly at him.

"I'm alone most of the time," She said as if it made perfect sense.

"Please repeat, I'm confused," Harry told the girl.

"Kaa's law," She told him with a smile, "People in groups lose intelligence, the larger the group, the less intelligence. That's why stupid people travel in large groups, they became that way by being in the group. Once separated they gain back most of their intelligence, but not all. Or something like that," She said with a smile.

"That had no bearing on what I was talking about," Harry said, shaking his head.

"You are really messed up," Ron told her, looking at her like she was insane. She smiled sweetly at him and took a swig of butter beer before belching loudly.

"You only say that because I'm a lady," She told him with a laugh.

"What did you need?" Hermione asked the girl politely. She wasn't sure if Stephanie was going to verbally attack her or not, though the butter beer did seem like a sort of peace offering.

"I was gonna ask if you thought about what I said," Stephanie said with a frozen smile.

"I did. I suppose you were right from your stand point. Look at it from mine and get back to me," Hermione told her before turning full attention on the boys.

XXX

One week later Hermione was out of the infirmary and allowed to go back to her room. She was extremely grateful for that. All of her things were transferred by house elves as she slept, and the next day when she awoke it was too an empty room.

"Hello my dear. You are to go straight to your room. No detours at all," Madame Pomfrey told the girl. Hermione nodded and stood up. She was wearing her own pajama's thankfully and at the moment she didn't give a rip as to who saw her. She was in black baggy draw string pants and a long sleeved black shirt that clung tightly to her body and had holes at the ends of the sleeves for her thumbs to stick through. She slipped her feet into simple black flip-flops and left the infirmary. Her hair flowed in a smooth wave behind her, all the way down to her thighs. She didn't feel like dealing with it at the moment, so she just left it down.

She nodded to students that she saw in the halls. Many of them were happy to see her out of the infirmary and walking around. They smiled and stared, looking awe-struck and devoted. She felt sick inside, wondering what all these young creatures so full of life and verve, could see in someone as soul sick as she.

"Hermione, a picture?" Collin Creevey asked hopefully. She looked at him for a moment, and his face fell.

"Alright," she smiled softly as his face lit up and allowed him to snap a quick picture. He smiled widely at her.

"Beautiful. Thank you," Collin moved off down the hall, whistling happily. Hermione walked to the painting and gave the password Draco had told her the day before.

"Salazar," The painting opened and she entered. The room was just as she had last seen it, red and green, silver and gold. It looked flashy, somewhat surreal. She walked up to her room and saw everything around in it's place with all of her cards and presents stacked artfully on two law tables that had appeared. She also saw her poetry book on her bed. It was open and had a note on it.

_This poem shows promise. You are quite accomplished. _

That was all it said. Two sentences, no more. She looked down and saw the picture on one page. It was a key hole and inside it you could see a bright ball of light that somehow looked defeated, crushed. Black liquid oozed from it.

**Fallen Star**

I don't want to live

but I don't want to die

Will someone explain this to me

I know I can't win

but I refuse to lose

So how can I ever be free

You scream at me

and I yell back

We will never see eye to eye

You hit me so hard

then tell me you love me

Why do I always fall for that lie

I hide all the bruises

and tell people I'm fine

But I'm slowly driving myself mad

I tried to run

but then you followed

And you told me that you were sad

You scream and rant

then smile and laugh

Whatever I do is not right

you punish me

say it's for my own good

And now I'm too warped to fight

some day I'll leave

and never come back

But you always know where I hide

I used to argue

and protect myself

but something in me has died

there was a flame

someone told me they loved

By I've seen that light go out

I slink around

try to behave

And all you ever do is shout

you raise a hand

I cringe, but not in fear

I have lost all sense and feeling

You scream at me

say I don't care

And now I'm on the floor kneeling

You hit me again

why wont you stop

I'm falling into the dark

I hear voices

High above

And I cling to one small spark

I'm in a white room

and you are there

You smile and say the lines

I am so tired

of all you do

But now you'll answer for your crimes

You covered my eyes

kept yourself hidden

But now I see you for what you are

I let you use me

and now I see why

I'm what happens when the wish is torn from the shooting star.

(_Damia - "Another Poem from Stevie"_)

She had written it when she was mad enough to think that someone would discover her. It was one of her early ones actually. She had thought at that time that maybe she would show someone what was wrong and they would save her like some sort of knight. She was so naïve. She silently groped around her neck for the thin chain that hung between her breasts. On it were three things. Her mothers wedding ring (a simple gold band with a single diamond,) her fathers wedding ring (a simple gold band,) and the ring that Draco had given her. She groped for love and hope, two things she needed desperately even if she wasn't quite ready to voice it.

XXX

"I don't like you," Stephanie said out loud during her potions class. Ravenclaw's didn't have double potions.

"Excuse me?" Professor Snape looked genuinely shocked.

"I don't like you. You are mean spirited and overly biased. You purposefully put people down all the time and the only reason I can think of for it is that you are jealous," She told him. His face went completely blank and his voice was deceptively calm.

"You might want to close your mouth," He warned her. Her table partner was scooting away from her.

"You are jealous. Jealous of kids and their simple, uncomplicated friendships. Jealous of the simple world they see. Jealous of the way their eyes light up at the new things they see every day. But you are mostly jealous of the way they see things, with beautiful rose tinted glasses. The world is beautiful in their eyes, even when Voldemort was out there destroying people," Stephanie told him in a clear voice that seemed to ring in the otherwise silent classroom.

"Miss Stormwing," Snape started.

"I don't like you. At this point you have also lost most of my respect. You are a poor specimen of humanity Severus, just thought you ought to know," Stephanie told him. Snape's face had gone completely red with anger, Stephanie had that affect on him.

"200 points from Ravenclaw," Snape shouted loudly.

"Screw you," Stephanie told him.

"A week of detention," He bellowed loudly. Her fellow class mates were hissing at her to stop, she ignored them.

"Were you as big a disappointment to your mother as you are to me?" She asked with a scowl.

"Another week," He yelled.

"You could have killed her you bastard, all because you felt like proving yourself right. Couldn't handle having any supposed weakness, could you?" She shouted, now standing.

"2 Months," He screamed.

"Fuck you, you bloody wanker," She screamed at him. She grabbed her bag and ran out of the room.

"Class dismissed," Snape roared, running a hand through his hair.

Stephanie walked to the Ravenclaw common room. Guarding it was a picture of a man sitting at in front of a writing desk. He was commonly referred to as Sir Scribe.

"Pass word?" He asked her, not really looking.

"Ralph Waldo Emmerson," She said, walking up the staircase that was shown when the portrait opened. Her common room was a lot like the Gryffindor common room, only everything was deep blue and cream, colors meant to calm and keep everyone harmonious. It generally put Stephanie on edge. She walked up the girls' stairs and up to the seventh year dormitories. She tossed her things into the chest at the foot of her bed before flopping onto her bed.

"What were you thinking?" Demanded a very irate Padma Patil. Stephanie rubbed her eyes, she had fallen asleep.

"I thought you were among those under the assumption that I didn't think Padma," Stephanie told her, standing up to change her clothes. She had a stand up trunk that she used for clothes, that when opened, was actually a walk in closet. Amazing what you could do with magic.

"200 points Stephanie, _200_," Padma shouted. The girls uniform was perfectly neat and her hair was up in a no-nonsense bun.

"And I'd do it again," Stephanie told her, pulling off her clothes and tossing them on the floor beside her bed.

"You can't just attack a professor," Padma told her. Stephanie pulled on a pair of gray cotton boxers that had the word 'trouble' written across the butt and a dark purple tank top that said '_Weasley Wizarding Wheezes_' on the front. She decided not to wear her robes to dinner tonight as she was already in trouble. She ducked her head when stepping out of her trunk and looked at the girl in front of her.

"He's had that coming to him for years. You wouldn't understand anyway," She told the girl as she pulled her hair into a messy bun.

"About Hermione? Of course I do, you talk in your sleep. I find it as horrifying as you, only I know better than to _attack_ a teacher," Padma shouted the last part. Stephanie frowned.

"Who else knows?" She asked in a serious voice. Stephanie being completely serious was never a good thing, but Padma was one of the few in the school that didn't fear her temper.

"No one, I'm the only that doesn't sleep," She told her, "But that's beside the point. The issue is _you _attacking _Snape_," Padma told her.

"Yes well, I don't regret it and you need to get over it. Hermione should be out of the infirmary and at dinner tonight. I'm sure I will be called to task then. So, I'll head down to finish getting ready for dinner," Stephanie walked out of the room with a smile. Padma dropped to a sitting position on her bed and glanced at the clock on the wall. She groaned loudly, dinner didn't start for another hour, this meant it would be interesting, and interesting didn't always mean 'good' when involving Stephanie or the Weasley twins.

XXX

"Granger?" Draco kept his voice soft as he saw the figure asleep in front of the fire place. She didn't move. He walked forward and stood in front of her. He knew that he should be doing something mean, something cruel, something worthy of the Slytherin King. She really was beautiful. He moved over to an arm chair and fell into it, rubbing his hands over his face.

Slytherin King. That's how most of the school referred to him. Even the boy-that-refused-to-die called him the slytherin king. The entire house looked up to him, worshiped him, wished to be him. The position sucked. He stared into the fire, allowing the the dancing flames to draw him deeper into his own thoughts. He knew what was right and what was wrong inside his soul, but his mind didn't always agree. Like in regards to the mu-muggle. He couldn't even refer to her in a truly foul manner. He kept telling himself that it was because he pitied her. In truth that was a lie. He didn't have emotions such as pity, those would require a heart, one of the few things he still wouldn't admit to having.

Hermione Granger brought forth feelings and thoughts that were dangerous. He didn't know what was going on. He wanted to prove to everyone that he was better than she, and yet at the same time he didn't, because it might hurt her. Above all he wanted to protect her. Why? There was no gain in it. He stood up and walked over to the girl, looking down at her. He brushed a single finger over her cheek and she whimpered softly. He stroked her hair as he made soothing noises. She whimpered more, a soft cry of fear. Draco shook his head, disgusted. She was weak and he was causing her pain.

"Get up," He commanded, pulling his hand back to his side. Hermione opened her eyes slowly.

"Hello Malfoy, what time is it?" She asked, stretching slightly. He raised an eyebrow.

"Time for us to be heading to dinner," He told her.

"Thank you for waking me," She told him steadily.

"I wasn't doing you any favors," He answered cryptically. The two left their common room to head to a dinner of false smiles and high pretensions.

XXX

Damia - "Please keep up with any questions or idea's that you might have for me,"

Wren - "We like to hear from you,"

Solatina - "But no stupid things k?"

Wren - "Questions aren't stupid,"

Solatina - "Shows what you know,"

Wren - "Who are you and what have you done to Solatina,"

Solatina - "Go shove a stick up your ass you little fucktard,"

Wren - "Oh good, I was getting worried,"

Damia - "Make the pain stop!!"


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**Kids Aren't All Right**

_When we were young the future was so bright  
The old neighborhood was so alive  
And every kid on the whole damn street  
Was gonna make it big and not be beat_

_Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn  
The kids are grown up but their lives are worn  
How can one little street  
Swallow so many lives_

_Jay committed suicide  
Brandon OD'd and died  
What the hell is going on  
The cruelest dream, reality_

-- The Offspring

Hermione understood what Draco meant as she walked into the great hall for dinner. People turned and stared at her as she walked to her seat in the great hall. She sat in the center of the quidditch team as usual, between Harry and Ron, across from Ginny, Jan, and Karen.

"I suppose you haven't heard yet?" Ron asked, looking at her sadly.

"Heard what?" She asked him, a slight frown on Hermione's face.

"Didn't think so," He said with a sad smile. Hermione turned to Harry, a strange look in her eyes.

"What is he going on about Harry?" She demanded softly.

"Hermione, it's just . . . " Harry didn't finish his sentence. Hermione looked at the girls across from her.

"Ginny? Karen? Jan?" She could feel everyone's eyes on her back. She was starting to feel slightly hysterical.

"Fuck it, I'll tell her," Jan looked straight at Hermione. "Evidently one of the Hufflepuff first years' aunt is the editor for the paper, and, well, they got an early copy of tomorrow's edition. Evidently Rita Skeeter got you back pretty well for that stunt in your fourth year," Jan told her. Hermione's face went blank, all except the eyes, which had the look of a trapped animal.

"And what is the article about?" Hermione asked softly.

"A death eater by the name of Troy Metcalf. He's been imprisoned in Azkaban for life for pedophilia, use of the unmentionable curses, rape of minors, abuse, and murder," Jan told her. She was the only one looking Hermione in the eyes currently.

"Who does the article say he attacked?" She asked softly, holding her head high, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

"You, and that's not all of it," Jan told her. Hermione's eyes welled up, but she sat a little straighter.

"What is the rest?" She asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"She must have been snooping, either that or she payed a few people," Jan started.

"Hermione, it's only rumors so far. The paper was confiscated," Ginny broke in, a tear rolling down the pretty girls face.

"The rest of it?" Hermione asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"There are pictures . . . pictures of you," Jan told her. Hermione closed her eyes. She knew what pictures they were talking about. One of Troy's friends thought it was funny to see her in pain and took pictures of her wounds, took pictures of her in odd positions, took pictures of her being abused. Troy kept them all in a box beneath his bed.

"How many?" She asked.

"It's a three page article with very little writing apparently. You seem to be quite the news sensation," Karen said softly.

"Of course I am, I'm Harry's best friend," Hermione said, her eyes still closed.

"They wont be able to confiscate all of the papers tomorrow," Ron said quietly.

"They shouldn't confiscate any of them, it's wrong," Tears slipped out from under Hermione's closed lids. "I don't need anyone's pity, and I certainly don't care what they think about me. I didn't even know Troy was a Wizard," Hermione commented.

"We'll come get you for breakfast tomorrow at your dorm," Harry told the girl.

"We'll all be there," Jan agreed. The rest of the team, who had been carefully listening, agreed completely.

"I think I'm going to bed early tonight," Hermione stood up and walked out of the room. Stephanie filled her newly empty seat.

"You people had better protect her tomorrow. And make sure she eats. She tends not to when upset," Stephanie motioned to the still filled plate in front of her.

"Why do you like Hermione so much?" Jan asked the girl curiously. She adored Stephanie almost to the point of hero worship.

"Hermione's interesting. Not quite what one would expect of a Gryffindor. She's also smart, and I'm not just talking book smart. She keeps me on my toes. I'm off to hogsmeade. I have a few things I need to do," Stephanie stood and left the room.

XXX

"Hello boys," Stephanie called loudly as she walked into 3W.

"Hello curly, wait just a moment," Fred told his lover as he finished with a customer.

"Hey there Trouble," George called from somewhere in the back.

"We have trouble," Stephanie told the two as soon as the woman left.

"What sort of trouble," Fred asked, as she hopped up to sit on the counter. She crossed her legs as George came into the room.

"You aren't pregnant, are you?" He asked.

"No jokes," Stephanie said, rubbing her face with her hands. They twins glanced at each other, it had to be bad if she wanted no jokes.

"Remember when I told you Hermione was in the infirmary because of an accident?" She asked the two. They nodded. "It wasn't an accident, she tried to kill herself," She told them.

"Hermione?_Our_ Hermione?" Fred demanded.

"Book worm Hermione," George asked.

"Hermione who doesn't care about anything except her books?"

"Hermione who ignores the multitude of men that drool in her wake,"

"Hermione who has the perfect life?" Fred finished off. Stephanie smacked him upside the head.

"Hey, what was that for?" George demanded as he too was smacked upside the head.

"That was for forgetting that her parents were murdered and she's been obviously depressed for over a year," Stephanie told the two.

"Ok, so what happened?" Fred asked, he and his brother leaning on the counter in front of her.

"Her Guardian, Troy Metcalfe, is a pedophile who has been abusing the girl since she came into his care. She blames herself for her parents' deaths and because of it, she believes she is worthless. So this has been going on for two years, and no one has noticed. So, she's been getting better over the past two weeks, but last night it was discovered that Tory was a death eater and wanted for murder and Aurors went to arrest him. He has a life sentence in Azkaban. Rita Skeeter was there and found out that Troy had pictures of everything that happened to the girl. It's all in tomorrow's paper," Stephanie finished.

"Holy shit," George said quietly.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" Fred asked his girlfriend.

"She didn't want anyone to know," She told him. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh god, she's getting all female on us again," George cried, throwing his hands in the air.

"I have been systematically bullying her and spoiling her, trying to get her to open up again. Trying to make her see that people love her, and now _this_. It's going to set me back months if not longer. Not only that but I have to spend classes convincing her that I feel no pity for her, but I admire her strength _while_ telling her that she acts selfish and weak willed when she does the whole self mutilation bit, and it's not easy," Stephanie burst into tears, throwing her arms around Fred.

"What did you two lame brains do this time?" Angelina asked, walking into the room and over to George. He quickly filled her in on everything.

"So tomorrow she has to do the impossible," George finished.

"It's not impossible, I do it all the time. I'm just thinking of the pictures that I'm going to see. The pictures she's going to look at, the pictures that are going to force her to remember all of those things in detail," Stephanie told them, sniffing as Fred wiped tears off her face with his thumbs.

"Sue the paper, or just Rita Skeeter," Angelina said ferociously.

"How will that help?" George asked his girlfriend.

"It will get Hermione's mind off of it," She answered sensibly.

"Yes! Not only that but if we focus on helping _other _people in the future, she will go for the idea even faster. Where did the bitch get the pictures? How dare she accost a _minor_ like that? And this article is nothing short of an outright attack on Hermione. Skeeter is blatantly striking out at the victim herself, abusing her power as a journalist. How dare she?" Stephanie hopped off the counter to pace as she shouted in rage.

"I love it when she gets all emotional and single minded. Extremely amusing," George commented, wrapping an arm around Angelina's waist.

"Thanks for getting her out of the tears," Fred told the other young woman, watching Stephanie pace, still shouting and using expansive arm gestures.

"No problem. Seems like it will help both of them," Angelina told him.

"Isn't there a quidditch game tomorrow?" George asked.

"Oy, Curly," Fred shouted. Stephanie stopped her rant and looked at him inquisitively.

"Quidditch game tomorrow against Hufflepuff," Angelina reminded her. Stephanie's eyes narrowed.

"Perfect," She said quietly.

"What was that?" Fred asked.

"It's a Hufflepuff's fault that everyone found out early. I work best flying by the seat of my pants. If I hadn't found out until tomorrow I wouldn't have freaked out. Hufflepuff is going down," Stephanie announced, walking over to Fred and kissing him. She backed up and smiled.

"I'm going to need lots of cheers tomorrow, and my beauty sleep tonight," She told him.

"I will be there with the usual banner," Fred told her with a grin.

"We'll be there also," George added. She nodded once before heading over to honey-dukes to go back to the school.

XXX

Draco took a deep breath after giving a speech to the Slytherins. It had been rather simple. He explained the truth of Hermione's situation to the all. Then he had warned them of the consequences of attacking someone when they were down. Slytherins were cunning and daring, they weren't cruel. He had asked them if they were everything that the Gryffindors thought they were, or if they were the future of Salazar. It was bad enough that the rest of the school was going to attack her for the Skeeter woman's article, Slytherin didn't need to add to the abuse put on the girls shoulders. It had been a rather impassioned speech.

"I really liked the part about how since she's head girl, she's just as much Slytherin responsibility as any otherSlytherin," Pansy remarked. Draco smirked. Pansy was interesting. She was quite pretty for all she had a pug nose. It was kind of cute with the way the rest of her face was put together. She wasn't stupid either, lazy maybe, but not stupid.

"I myself preferred the part about kicking a wounded dog when it's down," Greg Goyle commented. Crabbe and Goyle weren't the stupid lumps as so many believed. The two preferred to look that way of course, so many people underestimated the two. They might not be geniuses, but they knew enough to get by.

"It was a lovely analogy, though I doubt many will understand," Daphne Greengrass added. Daphne was a true beauty. She had thick white blonde hair that hung to her waist with a slight curl to the bottom and large green eyes with dark lashes and brows. Her heart shaped face and porcelain skin made her look like some sort of glass doll. She was rather dangerous for all her dainty looks. Her mother had made sure the girl could hold her own. She was well matched with Blaise Zabini. His Golden skin, Amber Eyes and black hair a stark contrast. They were Summer and Winter. The two were seated on a couch, Blaise's head in Daphne's lap.

"I don't know, Granger's rather pretty, despite the mudblood status," Blaise told them lazily, enjoying the scornful look the girl he was laying on slanted his way.

"What can I say, people might as well know the truth rather than act out on half true rumors. I'm also hoping that the truth will falter out some of the more vicious lies that you know are going to come out of this incident," Draco commented.

"It almost sounds as though you have a thing for the girl," Crabbe commented.

"I want to be the one to hurt her. I owe her to much to allow some half-wit hack to get the best blows in," Draco said darkly.

"You disappoint me Draco," Pansy said, walking away.

"Must you always be the Slytherin King?" Goyle asked, following his girlfriend

"The girls have a point," Crabbe agreed, blithely ignoring the look his best friend shot back at him for the slur as he left to join a game of poker that was starting up across the room.

"Would you mind elucidating?" Draco asked Daphne as he stood staring after the three.

"We follow you because you don't follow Voldemort. We want someone strong to follow, someone who wont be led like dog. You seem to fill that role most of the time. We are your closest friends, though even we aren't close and we know it. You are cold Draco, you need to open up a little. Stop being so cruel. It strikes rather close to home who your father is, and it makes some of us wonder if you are really any better than him," She told him. Daphne was interesting. She walked around stating her mind, knowing that she could take down anyone that got mad at it for her, either magically or physically.

"So what do you suggest of me?" Draco asked. She took pushed Blaise off her lap and stood to take one of his hands, turning it over, and shoving his sleeve up.

"Open up to her. You seem to have a lot in common," She traced the scar on his wrist with her thumb be fore shoving the sleeve further and showing the naked skin of his forearm.

"Maybe we do, but still," He said stubbornly. Daphne chuckled.

"Such a little boy sometimes. Your heart wasn't in your threat. You don't have to follow through in childish anger. Think your feelings through, figure out what is inside that tangled knot you call a heart," Daphne stood and walked up the steps to her dorm.

"She has a point," Blaise commented from his spot, he was still laying across the couch in front of the fireplace.

"So does a sword, do you want one in your throat?" Draco demanded, though there was no heat in his voice.

"I doubt it mate. Just think about what she said. She's smart and tends to notice things no one else does," The brunette continued as he watched the flames dance. Draco watched his friend for a few more moments. He and Daphne were interesting. She was rather laconic and acerbic where he tended to lay back and watch everyone else, making sly comments. If he had to say who his best friend was, it would probably be one of those two. They weren't close, but they were closer than anyone else, and he enjoyed their company more than anyone else's. Draco shook his head to clear his thoughts as he stood up to leave. He glanced over at a group of first years as he heard Hermione's name.

"Francis, he's the guy that drives the train, he said that she used to walk around all the time smiling," a boy said, "She used to be happy. Stupid Gryff's never noticed she was unhappy. If she can't count on her own house, who can she count on?" The boy asked.

"Well I wont say anything mean to her or about her," commented a little girl.

"I'll knock some sense into anyone who thinks they can say things about her," Commented another boy. Draco shook his head, revenge of the little people. He was too tired for this.

"I think it's time for you all to get up to your dormitories," Draco told them all in a cold voice. They scattered like leaves in the wind and he walked out of the Slytherin common room and up to his own room, his thoughts still roiling.

XXX

Damia - "And answers to a few comments,"

**Slytherin Shadow** - I was serious when I said she was based on a real person. The character of Stephanie is actually VERY similar to my friend Stevie. It's kind of scary. Her little sister read this and sent me an email to let me know that I got her spot-on. Even Stevie admits she would likely do things like this. Though she also claims that she would scrub Snapes hair clean if she were somehow magically sent to the HP universe. There's a reason we all love her. I'm sorry you aren't happy with her character, but hopefully this chapter gave you a little insight to what she was doing and why. Remember, the characters are human (sort of) and are likely to make mistakes. I'm glad you like the story.

**Luna ML** - Thank you for your kind words. As I've told people before, I work with battered women, and this is a way for me to vent. Hermione will get better, she's strong even if she doesn't see it yet. I'm glad you like the story.

**irockupurple** - Another one! I hope this chapter helps you see Stephanie's point of view. Thank you for writing.

**pstibbons** - I'm so glad you keep reading! I like seeing someone come back to read the updates. I like it even better when people review. Therefore I like you.

**Silent-Mousie** - Artemis it is! I will continue to write, no worries. Thank you for being my first reviewer and thank you for continuing to read my fic.

**Darkness Shadowed (Stevie)** - I am NOT making people hate you. Hello, totally stuck up for you at the top of the last chapter! Plus, it's not really you, it's a character based on you. Not the same thing. I am not evil, and I AM TOO a good friend. So there. Besides, you act like that in real life and you don't care what people think. Why start caring now? You know you love me ... I'm the bestest Damia-person EVER! You adore me. So there.


	10. Chapter 10

**How Far We've Come**

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,  
but its feeling just like every other morning before,  
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,

The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour if that,  
and started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye  
can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

But I believe the world is burning to the ground  
oh well I guess we're gonna find out  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come  
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end  
oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,  
let's see how far we've come  
let's see how far we've come

I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know  
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so  
started crying and I couldn't stop myself  
I started running but there's no where to run to  
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself  
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell  
say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

-- Matchbox Twenty

Stephanie was dressing for battle. It was a Saturday, there was a quidditch game. She dressed in sexy black lingerie, not because it was a tool but because it made her feel good about herself. She pulled on a dark blue baby-T over the top that said 'Yes, I'm smarter than you' and had the Ravenclaw Crest in the background. She pulled a pair of snug dark blue jeans on, followed by her black tennis shoes. Her favorite belt was slipped through the loops at her hips, the buckle a crossed pair of quidditch bats. She ran fingers through her wild curls before giving her head a hard shake and glancing in the mirror. Tall, slender (but still curvy,) hair tousled, face severe. She picked up her wand, but didn't bother to holster it in the special holster attached to her belt. She'd be using it soon enough.

"Heading out early as well?" She asked the wispy looking blond ahead of her as she exited her dorm. Luna Lovegood was her favorite Ravenclaw. The girl was just so far out there, but managed to make so much sense. That and she had an awful lot of power behind those big eyes of hers. The girls unkempt pale hair hung in snarls down her back, ending at her hips. She turned to look at Stephanie and paused, waiting for the older girl to catch her up.

"Ginny asked me to help her with a mission," Luna said, walking again. Stephanie grinned. She'd had the feeling that Ginny would get some of her girlfriends to help her with the owl windows. Luna was Ginny's best friend so it made sense that she would be in on it as well.

"I've a mission of my own," Stephanie answered, twirling her wand in her fingers.

**XXX**

Hermione pulled on a pair of black jeans, followed by a black long sleeved shirt. Her Black winter boots were pulled over her jeans, and a crimson and gold striped scarf and cap added to the ensemble. She glanced in the mirror and sighed. She wanted to bring her heavy cloak, but figured that she would need the down time away from everyone after breakfast, so left it in her room. She walked down to her common room and paused, noting the Slytherin draped across the couch. Draco too was wearing solid black, only he wore nice slacks and a sweater. He stared pensively at the fire that was dying in the grate and didn't seem to notice Hermione at all. She wasn't sure she knew why she was staring at him at all. Something drew her eyes. Maybe it was his hair, lying silken across his forehead and trying to caress his eyes, instead of slicked back as it usually was. Maybe it was the relaxed tone of his body. She tilted her head to the side and his eyes shot to hers.

"Yes?" He drawled, sitting up quickly, his movements liquid grace. Hermione didn't startle and didn't pause.

"Would you like to walk to breakfast with me?" She asked. He raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"I'll be right back," He agreed, striding quickly to his room. He appeared moments later, his hair slicked as usual and his winter cloak, gloves and muffler over one arm. He opened the portrait and waited for her wordlessly. Neither said anything as they walked to the great hall, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. They went their separate ways when they got to the half filled tables. More students trickled in as Hermione took her place between Harry and Neville, Ron and Ginny across from her.

"I would like to remind everyone of the quidditch game this afternoon," Dumbledore said as he stood up for the morning announcements. "Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff will both appreciate the support. Eat up, it's cold outside," He said, but his tone was lacking it's usual sparkle. The food appeared on the table and Ron plopped eggs on Hermione's plate, Harry passing a plate of toast so that some of that was added as well while Neville filled her cup with pumpkin juice. She raised an eyebrow and Ginny gave her a winning smile.

"Eat it up, you're nearly skin an bones," Ginny told her pertly, munching on bacon. Hermione managed a few bites of toast before everyone in the hall went silent. Utensils stopped and eyes went upwards, the only sound in the hall the rush of wings and a few soft hoots. There was sudden mass confusion as at least half the newspapers burst into flames at a certain point just after the birds swooped through the windows. The silence was broken as professors jumped to their feet, shouting orders and pulling out wands. Hermione closed her eyes and tilted her head back, a radiant smile breaking across her face as ashes and charred bits of still burning paper rained down on the students all around her, but none came near to landing on her. Colin Creevy held up his ever-present camera and snapped a picture of Hermione before turning back to the rest of the confusion. He got a good one of Stephanie Stormwing twirling her wand between her fingers, an amused smirk on her face. She zapped a Hufflepuff 5th year and the girls hair started to try and strangle everyone that got to close to her.

"I wonder how that happened?" Seamus asked in mock astonishment, looking around his table.

"Can't say as I have a single clue," Jan said in overly innocent tones, blinking wide eyes at the older Gryffindor.

"That was absolute brilliance though, whoever did it must be some sort of genius. At the very least truly amazing," Ginny said earnestly, the satisfied smirk firmly rooted on her face.

"It's a sight better than the morning I'd been expecting," Hermione agreed, focusing on those around her, the smile still on her face. She looked down at the plate of food in front of her and found herself hungry for the first time in a long while. She had just finished her eggs on toast when one of the few owls who'd made it through the window with an intact paper landed in front of her plate. Again the hall went silent. Hermione drank the last of her pumpkin juice and stood up.

"Want me to come with you?" Harry asked her, kindness showing in his eyes instead of the pity glowing in so many others. Hermione smiled sadly and shook her head.

"Just going to get my jacket and gloves from my room. I'll meet you at the pitch. Save me a seat," She told him, walking away without taking the paper from the owl. So the owl followed her. Hermione pulled out her wand and slammed a glowing barrier up behind her so the owl couldn't follow her, but wouldn't run into the magical wall and hurt itself. She opened the door, the entire hall still silent behind her, and left. As she walked down the corridor she started to shake. Her steps sped up as she tried to get to her common room before the tears she could feel rising could start to fall. She began to run, her footsteps echoing through the stone walls surrounding her. She ran faster, trying to escape the sound she knew somewhere inside she couldn't get away from. The faster she ran, the louder the sound and the more it sounded like someone was chasing her. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she got to the portrait guarding the entrance to the heads common room.

"Salazar," She panted, stumbling through the doorway and into the room in front of her, with the silver and gold and red and green. She looked around and thought of past Christmases, her parents doting on her, her friends around her, and the tears slid down her face. She walked to the wingchair facing the fireplace and collapsed into it, hiding her face in the corner and sobbing like she couldn't remember ever having sobbed before.

XXX

"Bet you 4 galleons she's going to go cry alone in your common room," Blaise commented idly. His girlfriends green eyes snapped over to him and she raised an eyebrow.

"Sucker bet," She returned, snagging a banana out of a third years hands and peeling it. The third year sent her a dirty look and went back to hunting for another banana. The two turned to stare at Draco and he stared back, a blank look on his face.

"Your point?" He asked, knowing the two had one. They always did things for a reason. Blaise laughed a little and snagged the last of Daphne's banana while the girl glowered at Draco.

"Who has the password to your common room besides the two of you? Certainly not her friends sitting around the table not knowing how to proceed. Not Miss Stormwing, hexing and cursing various Puffs," Her hands gestured before she paused to stare at Stephanie for a moment. "I really want to know that curse," She said, vague interest in her tone as she watched a Hufflepuff's scarf dissolve into ants. Draco sighed and stood up. They had a point, it wouldn't be fun if his dorm mate offed herself. He stood up with a much put upon sigh and wandered out of the great hall, snagging the paper from the owl trying to get through the barrier Granger had put up minutes ago. He didn't so much as glance at the pictures he knew were there. Other students had gotten some papers and horrified whispers were already clouding the air. He waved his countered the spell for the barrier and strode out of the hall and down the corridor to his common room. He paused to state the password before walking silently through the entrance. He heard the sobs before he pinpointed her location. He dropped the paper on the table and took a seat on the wing chair beside her, staring pensively at the fire again. Staring at the fire helped him clear his head and focus, it always had.

"Planning to go to the game?" He asked a few minutes later as her sobs began to die down. She sniffed and shrugged, but he missed the motion because of his focus on the fire. She blinked her swollen eyes and looked at him for a moment.

"Harry and Ron are going to save me a seat," Hermione told him quietly, her voice sounding a little strained.

"Best to keep your chin up. Don't give them a reason to think you're ashamed," He went on. Her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"I am ashamed," She whispered after a moment. He turned this gaze to her, a mild look on his face.

"Oh really? What about?" He asked, as though they were merely talking about the weather.

"I-" She cut herself off and thought for a moment. What was she ashamed of? Not being strong enough to stop Troy? Not being there when her parents died? Being a Witch? She thought back to what Stephanie and Ron and Harry had all told her in some form or another over the last week. What her professors had been asking with their eyes. Why hadn't she told someone. "I should have said something," She whispered finally, siffling again. Draco passed a handkerchief to her, the white cloth hanging limp in his relaxed fingers between them, a banner that somehow felt like a flag of truce.

"I'm going to share with you one of the very few bits of wisdom my father ever shared with me." He told her, his eyes looking straight into hers, searching for something she wasn't sure she could give. "Never be ashamed of your actions. They shape who you are and what you can be. Apologize for them if you must, repent if there is need, but never be ashamed," He turned his silver eyes back to the golden glow of the fire and Hermione wiped her eyes before blowing her nose. She didn't offer the kerchief back and he didn't ask for it. A few minutes later she went upstairs to the bathroom to wash her face and came back down looking fresh and clean, no sigh of puffy eyes or red nose. She swung her cloak around her and pulled on her gloves as she walked over to the portrait that Draco was holding open.

**XXX**

Stephanie rolled her head on her neck and stretched her shoulder blades, her eyes bright with anticipation. As Leo St. James, a 5th year Gryffindor, introduced the Ravenclaw Quidditch team Stephanie bounced on her toes and followed the rest of the team out, jumping on her broom and taking off into the air, swinging her bat over her head and encouraging the crowd in their cheering. She blew a kiss to a cheerful red-head at the top of the Gryff section as he and his brother and some of their other friends clapped and pointed to the sign behind them. "Trouble Comes With Curls and a Beaters Bat" was proclaimed in large sparkling letters while a stick figure in blue with long dark curls smacked a bludger at a figure in yellow. The pictures moved and someone the blue figure always managed to hit the other figure (who's uniform changed depending on the team she was playing, though the red figure would hit the bludger back.)

"And the Weasley's say it all, Trouble comes with Curls and Beaters Bat, Stephanie Stormwing sets the mood for this game as she goes after the bludgers with an intensity that has me thankful I don't have the stones for brooms," Leo commented as the brunette slammed a bludger at the Puff Keeper. McGonagall cleared her throat loud enough for everyone to hear, but didn't say anything as the game continued. She flew with a single minded intensity, knock the Puffs off their brooms with the bludgers, don't let them score, don't let them get control of the bludgers or the quaffle. She watched in satisfaction as a bludger she'd just hit almost knocked the Badger's Seeker off his broom. Her partner beater sent a bludger careening from their own seeker and Stephanie hooked her ankles and flipped under her broom to use both hands on her bat and strike it toward the yellow keeper. She tugged her broom back under her and smirked as the keeper ducked the bludger and missed the quaffle that followed straight behind.

"If he'd been a man about it and just taken the hit he may have stopped Ravenclaw from scoring another 10 points, letting the Ravens lead 80 to 0," Leo said derisively.

"Mr. St. James," McGonagall growled as people in the stands laughed in good nature. Both Seekers suddenly dropped their brooms and went racing in the same direction. Stephanie spotted the little golden glimmer and shot off as well, but upwards instead, toward the bludger making it's way toward another player. She looked over at the stands and smiled at Hermione, pointing to the head girl for a moment before slamming her bat into the crotchety game piece and watching it slam straight into the puff seeker, allowing Ravenclaw to get the snitch and win the game. The stands erupted into cheers and Stephanie smirked down at the fallen player. He had a bloody nose, but was well enough to be shouting obscenities at her while Madame Hooch reminded him that it was all part of the game. She turned her smirk to the Badger Beaters and shrugged as she pulled her hair out of it's ponytail, allowing the mass to tangle and dance around her as the wind commanded. She landed and joined the group hugging for the team before heading to the changing room and stripping out of her sweaty uniform. A quick charm later and she was perfectly clean. She changed back into her clothes from earlier, this time with a denim jacket and a Ravenclaw scarf, and went out to greet her boyfriend. She was going to sneak off and join him later, but they were allowed to stay on the grounds for a little while, and they might as well give the others something to be shocked about.

"Lovely game," Luna said absently as she walked by, a gigantic hat with a large croaking Raven flapping it's wings atop her head.

"Thanks Luna, I'll bring you a butterbeer," She told the girl. Luna waved a hand absently and continued on her way as Stephanie shouted and leaped at Fred. The redhead caught her and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, ignoring the scandalized looks on a lot of the other student's faces.

"Must you be so forward with my brother, of all people?" Ron complained loudly as he came to congratulate Stephanie and greet the twins.

"Would you prefer I was with your sister?" She asked as she hopped down. Ginny had just walked up to join them. The girls sized each other up thoughtfully and Fred groaned loudly.

"Couldn't you have picked another girl sweetheart? Any other girls? I can't fantasize about Gin-Bean, it's wrong and I'll not be able to get it up for a month if I try," Fred complained.

"And on that note, I'm leaving, before anything else I certainly don't want to hear tries to attack me," Ron complained loudly.

**XXX**

Miss me? Here you go, a brand new updated just for you all! - Damia

Silent-Mousie - I'm sorry dearest, not cliffy this time, just for you!

slytherin shadow - I'm glad I'm keeping your attention. Might some of it have to do with the mystery of when I will update? As for Stephanie, feel free to vent as you need. Some of the things she does irritate me as well, but she's a person with flaws.

Darkness Shadowed - Yes Stevie, you have flaws. Though cooking is not one of them. Or baking. People relations though ... we'll have to work on that. Did you like the battle clothes? I know, clothing design is your forte and I've likely got the outfit not at all to your liking. Still.


End file.
